Friday, slight anxiety, strange smells

I’ve got the strange smell back in my nose. It’s metallic, maybe like a metallic salty smell. My ears are hyper sensitive and have a high pitch noise, they’ve been like this for almost 2 weeks now, my head is a bit fuzzy too. The last 2 weeks I’ve been hyper sexual. I’d not normaly write this, but it is part of it, I’ve had to sort myself out lots. I mean lots. When depressed earlier this year I had zero sex drive, which is highly unlike me, but was ok with that for a change. Well everything has come back online. My wife has no sex drive so when mine was nonexistent I was pleased and relieved for her. Possibly one of the greatest coping mechanisms now is the facebook bipolar group that I’m on. There’s always good advice and a friendly eat to listen. There’s almost equal number of men to women too so I can get a balanced view on things.  

Now if better mention my anxiety yet again. My stomach feels light and whisky. Almost a bit upset too. It’s been churning away. I know this will pass and I think knowing this allows me to let go of it a bit quicker. Which all helps.

  I’m glad I’m a bit high. I need it. It’s far better than depression although at least you know what you’re getting with depression. Being high has lots of flavours and colours and often they’re a bit mixed too. In fact yesterday was a bit of a mixed mood day. High, very mild anxiety, busy brain but also a feeling of being in a hole. Kind of like going on a journey that you want to go on but have never undertaken before. Well I think that’s how I’d sum it up. That’s how it is for me.  

My wife has a urine infection so I’m a bit worried about her. She’s passed some blood. Maybe that’s why I’m anxious. I don’t tell her these things because she reads this but last night when she told me she had peed some blood my head went into overdrive thinking all of the worst things it could be. I then started thinking about death, not just hers but death in general. It’s such a head fuck getting like that. Over thinking. Anyway it settled a little and I slept solidly from about 11 pm until 5:45 when my son woke me.   I can’t remember any dreams though which is highly strange. I’m normally a huge dreamer. I remember them vividly too usually. Oh well. At least I normally sleep. 

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