Friday and a higher dose etc

Its Friday already. Today I up my dosage to 150mg of Lamotrigine. I’ve woken with a huge headache but I think it’s stress related and not the pills although hard to be sure.  I’m on a very tricky job where the woman is sensitive to everything and is insisting on this and that. My contract is with her father and he says to just get on and get things done, which we can do if she’s not there talking for more than an hour everyday about her ‘schedule’. So far I’ve been there for 5 weeks and when you add up maybe an hour each day I’ve lost nearly 25 hours of work, let alone 1/2 an hour or more hoovering every day, and she’s worrying about the job over running……    I worked 11 1/2 hours there yesterday just trying to get on and she was on and she was only there for maybe an hour and a half.  

  When I got home was mentally and physically drained and very down and things were kicking off here. I very nearly just got in my van and drove. I had nowhere I could go so there was no point.  My son really being mean to his sister and although my wife tried to stop it she ended up having a go at my daughter.  It’s always the way and I think my wife thinks I’m too soft on my daughter. My daughter feels totally got at.  I don’t know the answer.  My daughter ended up in our room and my wife in her room last night.    

   On another note I’m scared shitless that I’m tipping into a mixed episode or possibly full mania. My body temperature feels really high. My ears are ringing too and I wonder if that nit be why I have a headache too. I really don’t know. What I do know is I just want to get this job I’m on finished ASAP and out of the way because it’s really getting too me. I know it’s not just me because the plumber and electrician have had it too. The sad thing is I know the customer means well too.  I do seriously fear if I tip this time I will end up in hospital though.  I have felt slightly suicidal this week too although very very briefly.  I have nowhere to run to. 

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