Up early again this morning. I’m feeling pretty ok. Things aren’t nearly as glum as I had thought yesterday. That’s the down side of paranoia. I’m not sure where I was at yesterday, but I’m not there today. I tied myself in knots. Everything is a circle, especially thinking and more so when it’s bad thinking. I jump in and go around and around going deeper and deeper. As much as I plan to notice triggers I can’t always and there are times when I get too deep too fast. Solitude is what’s needed.
I’m never sure when instinct is there or paranoia. I guess instinct wouldn’t tie me in knots or dig a hole for me. Paranoia most certainly would and does. Those are the things I need to look out for I guess.
I love being me most of the time. Sometimes I’d love to be someone else though.