Other than some brief moments again I’ve been pretty much level since Friday late afternoon. It’s hard to be ‘back inside’ after being so out there and off it again. In a very twisted way I kind of miss it but don’t miss it at all too.
This has made me wonder about a few things. I know I am happy being me most of the time and I know I don’t conform to a lot of societies norms either and enjoy being a bit crazy. One thing I really do wonder about though is why other people seem almost desperate to have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I actually avoided the whole thing of any diagnosis and so on for a long while. In fact I would say I buried it deep. I know my dad wanted me to see a psychiatrist back when I was 14-15 but it scared me too much and made me actually flip out. So why would someone almost crave to be diagnosed with it? The reality of the real illness is literally, at times, a killer and I have been so very close to it myself several times. As I said I do enjoy being a bit ‘crazy’ most of the time but when I’m actually severely unwell, like the last 4 weeks, I hate it mostly as it is so severe and harsh. Why would you want to be that unwell? Maybe it’s just become a buzz word to be bandied about by some? I’ve heard that people use expressions like ‘I’m so bipolar today!’ How utterly stupid. You wouldn’t walk around if you felt unwell and say ‘I’m feeling so cancer today’ or if you had a pain in the leg ‘ I’m feeling so broken legged today’.
I guess I’ll never figure some out. Twats.