Yesterday I had an appointment with my psychologist at 3pm. On my drive up there I had a voicemail from her at about 2:30 asking if I was ok as I don’t ever miss appointments. I phoned her back, after stopping my van and yes I do have hands free. She had 2pm in her diary but the paper she wrote out for me had 3pm on it. I had quite a few things I needed to discuss with her. Things that had bottled up over the past week. Last night and this morning I’ve been a grumpy mess and felt I’ve been slipping. I’ve come back to bed instead of going to do an hours work, I’ll do it later, and have felt the need to just vegetate a bit. My emotions and mood have been a bit all over the place since a couple of things affected me this week and something just popped a bit. I cannot get unwell again and coming back to bed will hopefully nip things in the bud. I was certainly feeling like I was on the verge of slipping into an episode and this may well be the start of some blips before one but it is what it is. I can’t simply switch bipolar off. It doesn’t work that way. I can however use some healthy coping mechanisms instead of bad ones. A year or more ago I might of decided that I’d have a drink last night or tonight but I can’t and won’t. It affects me for a whole week and I think and am aware that I don’t want that anymore. Initially it felt boring but it’s outweighed by being able to cope better and recover from blips better. Anyway time to switch a few things off.
On a side note, an ego trip I guess, this blog now has 2993 subscribers which is shocking. Very shocking. Wow.