A day of anxiety so far. I struggled to eat breakfast and since leaving the house I’ve struggled at times to keep it in. I’m shattered. I’m anxious and I’m very aware that September 13th would of been my dads birthday and that dates are triggers. This time I’m watchful. This time I’m trying to form a plan to look at things differently but until it’s the end of September I won’t know if it’s worked or not. I need to break these cycles.
My memory is poor lately and I feel like although I’m on the ball others aren’t. I’m chasing other trades. I guess that’s the building trade and it’s one of the reasons I am forming plans for something else. I guess I’m doing well by being hyper vigilant though. I can notice the subtle changes in my body, a body that one day will die.
What is in the future? What will happen to earth? Mankind often isn’t very kind. Humans are often as unkind to themselves as they are others. Sometimes even more so. Life. I guess that’s what it is. It’s life.
There’s no going back. There’s only analysis and perspectives. Logic is the way forwards. One must be logical and study the patterns and subtle nuances.