I feel I should write a little about my feelings of the world. My views if you will. I live an esoteric lifestyle and don’t adhere to any religion in particular, although I live a pretty Buddhist lifestyle I guess. I’m vegetarian, I don’t drink coffee or alcohol. I try not to think bad thoughts, not easy that one. I try to be kind. I think if we could all just be kind to each other the world could and would change. Look at the stigma a mental illness caries with it. If we were kind to everyone then maybe everyone could start to understand each others problems. I’m a strong believer in the power our thoughts carry, but if someone tells me to cheer up or stop being so down etc I feel like saying to them when they have a cold or broken bone etc to just think they’re well and it’ll be sorted. Mental illness is so badly understood.
I live an alternative lifestyle I guess. I meditate often, I do Qigong, I’ve been on a solitary retreat. Actually it was whilst on a solitary retreat that I started taking a good long hard look at myself. I guess it’s what led me to question myself and my mental health deeper. Maybe it even helped me start to take some control, to a degree! I guess a retreat, especially a solitary retreat, isn’t for everyone or even a good idea for everyone.
Mostly I feel that I’m blessed by the way my brain works. I honestly see it as a good thing. The down feelings hurt like hell and even my brain can ache at times but I guess it’s about balance.
I used to fear loosing my mind when I get old, but maybe I need to let all of my fears just go. Life scares me when I’m low, but exhilarates me when I’m feeling high or good.
I fear being too honest at times, too open. I fear that others just won’t understand me. It’s not that I want attention either, I’ve had people assume I’m an attention seeker.
Oh well I really love being me. Especially at the moment!
