All posts by darrenmundi

A builder in the UK

Close to tipping

I had a really good day yesterday, both at work and within myself, until later in the day/evening. I went into my office to start doing my VAT and really couldn’t be bothered. I noticed I had a slight headache and wasn’t feeling great. I explained to my wife how I couldn’t be bothered with doing the VAT and that whilst feeling like that I should leave it alone, so I did. I went and had a long hot bath. Normally I would push through regardless. I’m glad I didn’t because I’m pretty sure I avoided a tipping point in my mood. Looking back I would normally of forced myself to get on with the VAT sand ended up stressed, tired and nosediving. This morning I’m feeling quite relaxed and good again, not too high. I think I’m lucky that I’ve avoided a huge mood crash and a day or two of depression and worry. It’s difficult to know when instinct is instinct and not laziness. Instinct is always right with me, but when it’s laziness I end up stressed because of putting things off.

Today is another great day for getting on with things and I’ve promised myself that if I feel good when I get in I will start my VAT, even if I don’t finish it. Luckily I steer clear of coffee now or I would of drank strong coffee last night and forced myself into my office. What a difference some clear thinking can provide! I’m still yet to start my list of goals in life, family, business etc, but I will. In fact I will start now.

Monday morning happiness

It’s Monday morning and I’m a happy chap. I’m not too sore from working out. I’ve not got anxiety either! That’s great. I knew where we would be working today about 1 1/2 weeks ago. I just need to fill out the rest of the week now, which is really easy. I’m feeling calm too.

Its really nice to feel good and to feel calm. I feel like I’m winning a battle with my mind. My mind can easily tip the balance and switch my thinking without me noticing straight away. It’s like the default mode of my mind is set to negative questioning and fault finding. I need to keep going how I am and do a full system reset and set happiness and positive thoughts as my base setting! At least I notice it more now when it starts to creep the bad thoughts in and when that happens I now use a few memories to bring me back to level thinking. I’m building new triggers in to counteract or to show up my old bad thinking habits. I can’t be 100% that it will always work, but hopefully my lowest moods won’t last too long now.

I can only keep going I guess! Giving up is never an option. I’m not someone who gives up easily. I just need to keep my feet on the ground.

Feeling level, feeling good

I’m feeling level. I’m feeling pretty good too. Nothing seems impossible right now and it’s not the normal hyper manic feeling of nothing being impossible either. It’s a real dealing of being able to get things done, to accomplish things. Yesterday I built a shoe rack from scratch. It felt so good to do something for our home. It’s also tidied an area up. I’ve decided that if I do one or two fast each week then I’ll build the bigger picture right up. Small bites of a big cake I guess. Or the saying that every journey starts with a single footstep. Life is a journey and can only be walked one step at a time, I know that sometimes we walk in circles for a while buy even walking in circles keeps us moving forwards.

 I’m now starting to feel some soreness from working out. I like feeling how I’ve worked my muscles. Feeling that I’m progressing along. I don’t have huge aims or goals. I just want to get a bit bigger again and trim a little body fat off. I’ll take it from there. A little stronger too I guess.  More foot steps.  More moving forwards and more understanding of myself and my mind. Onwards and upwards. 

Feeling good feels good. Lets breed that stuff. My new goals are to be more present, be calm and be kind. 

Feeling good

It’s 6:59am here and it’s Sunday morning. I’m feeling really good and have been up since 6:05. It’s beautiful weather outside too, which always helps. My son is up with me and the lady’s of our house are still in bed. I went to bed a little later than normal, but not too much later. I didn’t read though so I was maybe 15-20 minutes later going to sleep and woke up about 15 minutes later than normal. I think I’m figuring my circadian rhythms out better as I go along. Fingers crossed. 

I’ve noticed that I’ve started sneezing a little bit the last couple of days, I get hay fever quite badly at times. I guess it’s time to start using the neti pot with a salty nasal rinse. I did that last year and got rid of my hay fever almost totally. 

Ive decided that I’m enjoying working out again, even though I only started back properly yesterday. I love the feeling of a worked muscle and the endorphins which are released might help with mood stabilisation in me. I certainly feel better when I exercise regularly. I do need to keep my feet planted with it all though.

Right, breakfast time.

Its 10:38am now and I’ve already worked out. I did back and triceps.    I’ve not mentioned it lately but I’m still doing my brain training with Lumosity. It’s really good and keeps my brain sharp. A healthy mind and all that. I’m also pretty conscious of not making working out my ‘new obsession’. I need to keep focused on my family and business and especially my moods. 

Started working out again!

I have picked my weights and equipment back up today and have just finished my first proper workout. I`m feeling great. Chest and biceps today. Tomorrow I will do back and triceps. Working out always used to make me feel really good. I`m feeling pretty good right now, I`ll bet I`m sore tomorrow though!

Saturday calmness

I’m feeling pretty calm this morning, although a little tired. I’m keeping better circadian rythms and am going to sleep at pretty much the same time every night. Last night I went to sleep about 10 minutes later and woke up 10 minutes later. It’s as if my body knows exactly how much sleep to have. My meals are almost clock work too so that they don’t throw out my circadian rhythm either. It feels pretty boring to do it but its worth it not to throw my body and mind out and create a problem. I wonder how I would be affected if I drank a few glass’s of wine. I’ve not had any alcohol since early June last year, not that I was a big drinker then anyway. I’ve been vegetarian since around June 21st last year too.

I think that my kids haven’t had major meltdowns since I’ve been working on my mood swings either. Hopefully it’s helping all of us in our house, my wife included. I know that she’s struggling to understand it. Hopefully once I’ve more control it will all feel much more natural. I’m certain that the better I can keep to my rhythm the better control I will have. 

I guess I’m an ongoing work in progress. Well hopefully I’m making progress. Later today I’m going to work on some long term goals. I’m going to list them down and then break them down into medium and short term goals so I can chart my progress.  I’ve always liked having goals and aims and routine. My wife likes to live free of being rigid like that and over the years I’ve tried living that way, but now realise there’s always been a reason I’ve liked that routine. I’ve always thought it was because I liked the aims in life, but I now realise it helps stabilise my moods too. Maybe my wife will help me list some joint family goals too and help me to figure out the medium and short term ones that will get us there. We eventually want to build an Eco house, so maybe nows the time to start setting the goals that will lead there.

Beach bar-b-q

We’ve just got back from a really nice evening on the beach. My wife and son bought some food and a disposable bar-b-q while my daughter and I went to the dentists. After which we met them at the beach. It was lovely hearing the waves and watching the children climb the cliffs. We heard and saw skylarks and saw a marsh harrier too.

Today has been a pretty stress free day, which was my goal for today. I’m quietly content.

Calm start to Friday

It’s 6:36am and I’m the only one up in our house. I’ve been up since 5:50 and have already practiced qigong and have meditated too. It’s a pretty calm start to the day.

I  dreamt last night that my family and I were in Nepal and were hiking to the Everest base camp. We saw several other people and had an evening in a wooden lodge type hotel place. Whilst walking we saw  rain frozen in time, kind of just levitating in the air. It was beautiful and I took photos of it. We carried on to base camp and although I didn’t have a climbing permit I had done a deal so that I could climb the mountain.  We headed up and down through the various camps and then I summited.

I am feeling quite good so far today and have lots I can do but am only concerned with finishing one job off, which should be easy enough. Stress free day ahead. Not much more to say.

Busy day

It’s been a long busy day and I’m really tired. I do however feel a sense of achievement. I started to hurry us along at work but realised and backed it off. 

I am also trying to limit the amount of time I spend on Facebook too and focus on doing things that will help my mental wellbeing instead of just posting and commenting on none sense. I need to function in physical reality as well as the virtual worlds. That’s one of my goals, short term and long term. 

It’s 8:26pm here and I’m going to go shower and read some more of a book that I’d put down a few weeks ago and picked up again yesterday. It’s called ‘Beating Bipolar’by Blake LeVine. It’s a good bookso far and I’m half way through it. Maybe I need to read some uplifting fiction too pretty soon, although I can start to get a little too positive when reading uplifting books. I can start to plan too much or too far ahead. Anyway time to go shower and read.