yesterday went pretty well regardless of feeling anxious in the morning. I guess regardless of how I think or feel life goes on. It will do whatever it does. I know that how I react is what makes the difference to the outcome. Reaction is the trigger I guess that makes others react back in either a good or a bad way. I’m feeling pretty lever at the minute so I’m not in a bad reaction type place. I’m not saying that it won’t happen again though and I don’t know when either but I’ll keep doing my best to be level. Although I fear to feel that I’m controlling my moods let alone winning with my moods as I don’t want to trigger a crash. I’m just trying to keep level and while the sun is shining and I’m not putting stress on myself it’s easy enough. I’m balancing my work really well at the minute too which helps immensely. I guess it’s the balancing act that I find hard at times. I’ll keep on keeping on.
I love being me right now. I don’t want how I’m feeling to end. I know it might or probably will but that’s ok. It’s part of who I am to be this way. It’s what makes me me. I’ll deal with whatever comes along.
I’m a little anxious about my day ahead. My plans have been thrown out a little. I guess that’s just life but I try to be very organised. It’s always others that throw things. I guess it’s because I’m reliable and get things done that people rely on me. Double edged sword. Maybe it’s time to get another employee.
I know that any anxiety will pass when I get to work. Other than that life’s good. I’m happy again.
early last week my wife and I were on the verge of separating and she was looking for a house for herself and our children to live in. Last Wednesday night we started to sort things out between us very fast. It’s almost like we’ve fallen in love all over again and it took the realisation of loosing her to make me wake up and go to the loft room that she was sleeping in and tell her I wanted her back in our bedroom to sleep. There’s no tension between us now either. We’ve managed to get through so much pent up emotion really fast. So many things that were issues from the past have pretty much dissolved too.
Its amazing to think how close we were to finishing something that is actually very beautiful again. We went to see a counsellor on Monday, which was originally booked to help us decide about breaking up of trying one last time. By the time we went we had already decided that we wouldn’t break up, far from it tbh. I’ve actually said that if we get that far down the road again then we need to remember we got through it. Life’s very good again.
it’s raining a little outside and all of my work is outside too but it’s ok. Everything is always ok. I’m alive again this morning so I’ve another day to live. Every day that I wake up is a bonus day. The older I get the more people I know die. It’s just a fact of life. Death is a fact of living. If there really is death.
If it’s too wet to do much first thing I will make a couple of bills out. It’ll be good to get some money in.
I’m glad I’m me. I love being me. I just wish I had more money…that’s life I guess. I’d rather be healthy than rich. Although both would be nice. I’m still seeking enlightenment. I must meditate more.
I’ve realised today how good life is. Earlier I was feeling so good I was almost tearful. Life is a very precious gift that we are given. We need to embrace it fully. I intend to live my life fully, as fully as I can. I think I’ve set false limits upon myself and upon what I want to achieve in my life. It’s time I really went for it all. Life is beautiful. Time to love and live.
Yesterday I didn’t physically do any work. I did however get on with some paperwork. I got several prices out. So all is good. I’m pretty relaxed today and the day has started well.
I’m hoping today will be physically productive too. Fingers crossed. I’m relaxed enough to take what comes and my rhythms are pretty much back to normal. Life is good.
I’ve been rained off today. Normally I would stress but not today. I’ve done some paperwork , there’s more to do, but most importantly I have gone back to bed and had a sleep. It’s really rejuvenated me. I think my circadian rhythms have been thrown a little lately but are pretty much back on track now. The extra snooze was just what my mind needed. I had one late yesterday afternoon too. I think my body and mind have been running on a bit of adrenaline lately and since resting a little more over the last few days my body has grown again from my work outs. I’m feeling pretty calm and I will do more paperwork shortly and more meditation too.
It’s Monday morning and I’m not anxious. That’s good. I’m pretty relaxed too. I know where I’m working and what I will be doing. The weather should be cooler too which is just what I need. All is good. I’m pleased to say my wife and I are getting on really well again. I’m relieved. It was looking like we might of been breaking up this time last week. It goes to show that if one tries a little harder sometimes then life can come good again.
I have some good jobs coming up and money should be much better too. That certainly helps things.
it’s Father’s Day here in the UK and I’ve rested and meditated lots this morning. I’d actually forgotten when I got up so it was a really lovely surprise when my children have me gifts.
I think that I’ve come to realise that I NEED to meditate much more. I must try to remember this when I start to meditate less and less. It’s good for my mind and my body. It’s only when it’s been tricky and I go back to it that I realise how much it helps me. I’ve reached fantastic levels of calmness and inner spirituality with it.
I’m feeling pretty normal today, which is good but strange. I guess it’s hard to judge what normal actually is because I don’t know how a ‘normal’ person feels or thinks . Anyway I feel pretty level. A good level, not great , not fantastic, but good.