{"id":1309,"date":"2015-05-28T06:09:42","date_gmt":"2015-05-28T06:09:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1309"},"modified":"2015-05-28T06:09:42","modified_gmt":"2015-05-28T06:09:42","slug":"thursday-28th-may","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1309","title":{"rendered":"Thursday 28th may"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s already Thursday and tomorrow is the funeral. I’m not sure how I feel. The grave will be dug today. I need to write some things down for the vicar to read out at some point today. I’ve avoided it, like I do most things in life when feeling low or like this. Where to start ? I guess I need to start at his birth and go from there. \u00a0I’m vague about it all. Not the details but my head, my mind. I keep glazing over. im not sure why I feel like this because from what I’ve read and understood of Buddhism then I should be able to let go of emotion and feeling. Maybe I’ve not got as far as I think at times. I guess it’s best not to guess. It is what it is and that’s that. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

My head is a bit all over the place. I just want to go away. Far away. Start all over again. I figure that must of been how my mum was because she moved away and started again. Maybe she did have her own stresses and shit going on. I’ll never know. I can only guess. I need to let things go I know that much. It’s funny about wanting to get away because last night I was feeling like I needed to build bridges again with family. That I needed to maybe forgive others for things. \u00a0Up and down I go like a yoyo. I’m still trying to work out where I fit into everything these days. Death, what a strange thing you are. We don’t know what comes after life until we die. Maybe it’s something so fantastic. Maybe we are aliens in a huge virtual reality world and at death we just take off the mask or whatever and say ‘wow that’s a good game’ and carry on living our alien lives. Maybe we get born again in this world after a time. Maybe there’s nothing. A nothing that we don’t even know about so it’s pain free. Who knows? Only the dead I guess. \u00a0I’m starting to wonder about my own mortality now too. I’m wondering who I really am. Mostly I disgust myself but yet I kind of love myself too. Fuck knows.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s already Thursday and tomorrow is the funeral. I’m not sure how I feel. The grave will be dug today. I need to write some things down for the vicar to read out at some point today. I’ve avoided it, like I do most things in life when feeling low or like this. Where to … Continue reading Thursday 28th may<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1309","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1309"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1309"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1309\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1310,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1309\/revisions\/1310"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1309"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1309"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1309"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}