{"id":1469,"date":"2015-12-31T00:12:40","date_gmt":"2015-12-31T00:12:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1469"},"modified":"2015-12-31T00:12:40","modified_gmt":"2015-12-31T00:12:40","slug":"facing-the-fact-im-not-coping","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1469","title":{"rendered":"Facing the fact I’m not coping"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have to face up to the fact that I’ve been high or mixed for at least two months now. I’ve rapid cycled lately lots too. A friend made a point of telling me to stop posting on Facebook because of the rapid cycling. She understands it only too well herself. Ivebeen over working and too wired. I have been way out of my normal sleep patterns. Way way out. The latest I have To bed was 5:50am and I didn’t go straight to sleep. I keep telling myself I need to go back to the doctors but put it off through either getting on. High gain or paranoia. I have been physically unwell and should of gone for that too. Lately I’ve been having very dark destructive thoughts and have been fighting my way out so hard. I have to face the fact that I am a twat and at times not a very nice person at all. \u00a0In all honesty I couldn’t live with myself if I were someone else. I know I couldn’t. That’s hard to admit. I have had too much paranoia lately and some strange psychosis too. Most has passed but I feel like shutting down and going into self retreat. I don’t know what mood I will be in tomorrow. I don’t post on here enough. Yet another thing that slips by. At the minute I can’t read or meditate and I’ve been like this for a few months. I have no interest in anything much really. I seem to lack motivation and direction too. I sincerely hope they come back and soon. I am shattered. Worn out. \u00a0And tired. Tired of everything and all of life’s constant battles. I have no close friends. I have nobody I can talk to properly either. My walls are built high and my mask is almost fully glued on. My life isn’t real any more. I just exist or at least I think that’s what it is. I feel no emotion any more. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have to face up to the fact that I’ve been high or mixed for at least two months now. I’ve rapid cycled lately lots too. A friend made a point of telling me to stop posting on Facebook because of the rapid cycling. She understands it only too well herself. Ivebeen over working and … Continue reading Facing the fact I’m not coping<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1469","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1469"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1469"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1469\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1470,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1469\/revisions\/1470"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1469"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1469"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1469"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}