{"id":1484,"date":"2016-01-06T07:01:04","date_gmt":"2016-01-06T07:01:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1484"},"modified":"2016-01-06T07:01:04","modified_gmt":"2016-01-06T07:01:04","slug":"doctors-today","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1484","title":{"rendered":"Doctors today"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0I am going to the doctors today and I’m as anxious as hell. I don’t know where to start or how much to say. I’m already paranoid that they will say I need to go away or to take time off work. I’m so busy right now it would be impossible. I thought I would feel much better today because I felt almost ok last night. I’m tired of wanting to escape myself and my life. I don’t think I can be fully open with anyone anymore. I hide myself behind the mask I wear. Most see me as the joking builder who is always ok but the reality is inside I’m dying. People don’t want to know about someone with a broken mind or a mental illness and you can’t see it either. \u00a0I’m tired. \u00a0If I tell my wife I need a holiday she says that I’m not the only one. I know she could do with a break. I don’t think she realises how desperate I am to escape,use of as much as anyone else. I just want to sleep forever. I feel like I’ve been strong for too long, that enough is enough now, that I allow too many people to think I’m ok. \u00a0So what do I tell the doctor? I fear saying too much. I fear being ridiculed or not fully understood. Mostly I fear that I will fix the mask on even better and will act that it’s not so bad and I shouldn’t of made an appointment. Last time I went, almost 2 years ago, I barely scratched the surface with what I told them.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0I am going to the doctors today and I’m as anxious as hell. I don’t know where to start or how much to say. I’m already paranoid that they will say I need to go away or to take time off work. I’m so busy right now it would be impossible. I thought I would … Continue reading Doctors today<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1484","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1484"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1485,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1484\/revisions\/1485"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1484"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1484"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1484"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}