{"id":1548,"date":"2016-02-08T07:09:25","date_gmt":"2016-02-08T07:09:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1548"},"modified":"2016-02-08T07:14:40","modified_gmt":"2016-02-08T07:14:40","slug":"its-a-ride-and-i-cant-get-off","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1548","title":{"rendered":"It’s a ride and I can’t get off"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m on a ride and I can’t get off. \u00a0Even though I want to get off I can’t. \u00a0I need to work even more to earn even more money. I’m tired. It’s not even a normal ride. \u00a0It’s a roller coaster and Even though I am an adrenaline junkie I don’t like roller coasters. I’ve been too snappy lately and far too weak and weak minded. \u00a0I’m \u00a0indecisive over too many things lately too. I need a holiday. \u00a0I need a holiday from everything. \u00a0Most of all I need a holiday from myself.<\/strong><\/p>\n

There’s death everywhere. Last week a friends partner died. She was in her thirties. Yesterday we went for a walk on the marshes and saw one of my dad’s old friends on the way back with his granddaughter who is almost 6. She chatted to us and told us that she had some bad news. \u00a0Her mum had died on Saturday. \u00a0I felt like giving her a big hug and saying everything will be ok but I dint give her a hug and everything won’t be ok. \u00a0Life is cruel like that. Very cruel. That’s 2 little girls I know of who in the last week have lost their mums. \u00a0What a cruel world. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 I want to curl up in a corner somewhere and disappear into nothingness. \u00a0I’m tired. \u00a0Feeling like this reminds me of a reoccurring dream I sometimes have of being in a local churchyard and as I walk down the graveyard I walk into the earth deeper with each step. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0I think I’ve been punished in this life for even small mistakes. I say have been. \u00a0I mean I am being.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0Everyone wants a piece of my when I’m really high and busy and getting things done. My ears are ringing. My throat feels dry and sore again. My body is warm. \u00a0All of the signs are there yet again. Where am I headed this time. \u00a0Maybe in an hour or two I’ll be ok again.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m on a ride and I can’t get off. \u00a0Even though I want to get off I can’t. \u00a0I need to work even more to earn even more money. I’m tired. It’s not even a normal ride. \u00a0It’s a roller coaster and Even though I am an adrenaline junkie I don’t like roller coasters. I’ve … Continue reading It’s a ride and I can’t get off<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1548"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1548"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1548\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1551,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1548\/revisions\/1551"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1548"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1548"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1548"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}