{"id":1674,"date":"2016-12-12T21:33:40","date_gmt":"2016-12-12T21:33:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1674"},"modified":"2016-12-12T21:33:40","modified_gmt":"2016-12-12T21:33:40","slug":"battles-within-battles-without","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1674","title":{"rendered":"Battles within battles without"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week a friend committed suicide. \u00a0He killed himself. \u00a0He cut through arteries in his arm. He went out of the way. \u00a0He had tried about 2 months before. \u00a0He had been in a MH hospital for a month then released and basically left to it by MH services. \u00a0 \u00a0It\u00a0<\/strong>has hit me harder than I ever thought something like this could. I can’t get visions of him laying there out of my mind. Various visions. \u00a0I didn’t see him but I keep getting visions. \u00a0It’s almost obsessive. \u00a0I’m fighting my inner demons and fighting these feelings. I’m afraid of getting swallowed up. \u00a0I heard last Thursday. \u00a0He did it on Wednesday evening as far as we know. \u00a0Thursday night was a night of nightmares and broken sleep. \u00a0Friday onwards has been thoughts rolling around in the recess’ of my mind. The dark places where fear even fears to dwell. \u00a0Visions of him in good times. Him smiling. \u00a0I hear his voice calling my name out. \u00a0I’ve had some mild dark shapes that I’ve been seeing. Not peripheral but brief full glimpses. \u00a0Dark shapes and outlines. \u00a0On the beach fishing I saw shapes and things. \u00a0Mild. \u00a0Not nasty but strange and I’ve questioned it. \u00a0Last night was a not a late night it was an early morning. My sleep is going out the window. Today was away of Frodo wearing the ring. \u00a0Misty reality and drudgery. \u00a0Struggling to carry on doing what I was doing at work. \u00a0On Facebook obsessing about it. \u00a0Obsessing over countless things. \u00a0Today is almost gone. \u00a0Going beyond what and where I don’t know. \u00a0What haunts me is its nearly been me 3 times this year stopped just short of passing out with rope around my neck. \u00a0The devastation left behind even for me from him dying is the rue depths of pain. I cannot understand it even though I’ve been there. \u00a0I cannot understand it. \u00a0I cannot understand it. \u00a0It’s hitting hard. \u00a0I have to try to promise myself not to leave devastation like is for others. \u00a0I cannot ever give in if I feel like that. \u00a0Such darkness. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week a friend committed suicide. \u00a0He killed himself. \u00a0He cut through arteries in his arm. He went out of the way. \u00a0He had tried about 2 months before. \u00a0He had been in a MH hospital for a month then released and basically left to it by MH services. \u00a0 \u00a0It\u00a0has hit me harder than … Continue reading Battles within battles without<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1674","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1674"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1674"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1674\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1675,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1674\/revisions\/1675"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1674"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1674"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1674"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}