{"id":1955,"date":"2019-03-20T06:29:47","date_gmt":"2019-03-20T06:29:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1955"},"modified":"2019-03-20T06:29:47","modified_gmt":"2019-03-20T06:29:47","slug":"oh-so-its-head-is-raised","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=1955","title":{"rendered":"Oh so it’s head is raised"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve had a week of dodgy dreams and a tricky mood. \u00a0Luckily it’s been mild, \u00a0mild compared to before, and is hopefully passing now. \u00a0Last night I pretty much slept through until about 5am and then slept again until 5:45. \u00a0 It’s been shit. \u00a0I’ve had suicide ideation again which I coped with. \u00a0I’ve had rage and anger inside. \u00a0I’ve been stressed about things that shouldn’t stres me. \u00a0The biggest single issue that’s getting me down is money and cash flow. \u00a0I’m charging more again now for my time at work but as usual I’m trying to get a big job finished for the final payment and lots of small call out jobs have come along. \u00a0It’s a catch 22. \u00a0Money is stupidly tight at the minute and often we don’t have much food to eat. Thank fuck I grow food or I don’t know how we’d be coping! I’m still harvesting some of last years veg. \u00a0There’s still fresh beetroot, parsnips, leeks and chard in at the allotments thankfully. \u00a0I’m so pleased that I had my gallbladder out because it fucked my year up last year. \u00a0I was constantly more tired with more niggling pain as the year went on. \u00a0I can now move forwards. \u00a0What’s caused financial issues though, and the mental issues too, was having the first operation cancelled at the last minute. \u00a0It meant I only worked maybe 6 weeks in the last 3 months of 2018. \u00a0We had no savings to rely on as usual. \u00a0I’m determined to get ahead this year. \u00a0I’ve been working Saturdays until lunchtime or just after and have even had a few Sunday emergency jobs I fitted in. \u00a0One was only an hour but it’s amazing how it affects the mindset for the following week. It’s a rolling snowball coming down the hill. \u00a0Then with broken sleep it’s gotten exasperated. \u00a0I feel much fresher today for having slept well. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0 Today \u00a0is another day and is Kara’s birthday. \u00a0Luckily I’ve got a spare \u00a320 so we can go get chips tonight as a treat. \u00a0We’ll have some cake too. \u00a0W ever twinky won’t get fat as we’re all very trim. \u00a0One good thing about not stuffing our faces. \u00a0Fynn and I are back working out and now on week 3 or 4. \u00a0I’m building some muscle again but dropping body fat and dropping some weight. \u00a0I can almost see my abs properly again. \u00a0That’s also had a small part in my sleep and mental health too. \u00a0The working out hard and drop in calories. \u00a0I can kind of get what it’d be like if I decided to get ripped and enter a bodybuilding competition when I’ve put some decent size back on. \u00a0Maybe I should do one. \u00a0I always wanted to. \u00a0Fuck knows haha. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve had a week of dodgy dreams and a tricky mood. \u00a0Luckily it’s been mild, \u00a0mild compared to before, and is hopefully passing now. \u00a0Last night I pretty much slept through until about 5am and then slept again until 5:45. \u00a0 It’s been shit. \u00a0I’ve had suicide ideation again which I coped with. \u00a0I’ve had … Continue reading Oh so it’s head is raised<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1955","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1955"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1955"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1955\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1956,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1955\/revisions\/1956"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1955"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1955"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}