{"id":2021,"date":"2019-07-20T06:49:21","date_gmt":"2019-07-20T06:49:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=2021"},"modified":"2019-07-20T06:49:21","modified_gmt":"2019-07-20T06:49:21","slug":"reassessing-life-again-circles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/?p=2021","title":{"rendered":"Reassessing life again (circles)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yet again I\u2019m having to think through my life and yet again reassess everything. \u00a0How far have I come and how far can I go? Have I got a grip on how bipolar affects me or do I trick myself? So many things come up. \u00a0I remember the very first time I went to see a doctor about my mental health, she didn\u2019t take me very seriously, \u00a0and she told me it was \u201cpossibly cyclothymia. \u00a0You wouldn\u2019t want bipolar as the drugs are horrible\u201d etc etc and how she explained how much worse it is than cyclothymia. \u00a0I kind of felt relieved but over time I got scared when reading up on things. I read that cyclothymia can progress into bipolar. \u00a0It scared me to think what I was going through could end up much much worse. \u00a0After seeing another doctor at a much later date, having reached breaking point again, and getting referred to mh services on a kind of emergency \u201cneed to be seen within a week\u201d appointment and seeing a cpn and then a few weeks later seeing a psychiatrist and getting a diagnosis of bipolar 1 I walked out and laughed. \u00a0I was very mentally unwell but the laughter was relief. \u00a0I knew straight away that the mental pain, anguish and torture weren\u2019t going to get worse. \u00a0It was bipolar not cyclothymia. \u00a0I felt huge relief in being told that. \u00a0So here I am again contemplating so much about my life and living with what is termed a serious mental illness. \u00a0I still want to break the barriers down. \u00a0I\u2019m now thinking I\u2019ll keep as I am, for now, \u00a0instead of upping the meds again and work through it and not just ride it out. \u00a0 There\u2019s so much I can learn about myself even from the huge rage I have inside. \u00a0Masking it over will never help me. \u00a0It will still be there. \u00a0Only in working with and through it will I understand myself even more. \u00a0I need to work towards the \u2018not giving a fuck\u2019 lifestyle I\u2019ve tried to reach for so long and which a friend told me only the other day to live like. \u00a0Cheers CP. \u00a0I\u2019m going to once again embrace the madness and face it fully. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yet again I\u2019m having to think through my life and yet again reassess everything. \u00a0How far have I come and how far can I go? Have I got a grip on how bipolar affects me or do I trick myself? So many things come up. \u00a0I remember the very first time I went to see … Continue reading Reassessing life again (circles)<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2021"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2021"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2021\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2022,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2021\/revisions\/2022"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thebipolarbuilder.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}