The Force

Use the Force Luke.   I’m using the force again. Im very productive too.  I’m resting well, going to bed early, sleeping well and getting up early. My days are spot on and I’m not letting things stress me much.  Life is good.  

Silver-squeeze

I’ve been onboard a while but here goes.  SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE SILVER-SQUEEZE.

Up and down

It’s a year of up and down so far. Stress too.  Things could be better my mind weighs heavily on itself.  Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me.  More so lately.  Not good.  Death fixation/fantasies.  Hmmm.  What is it all.  So far so good so what.  One day I’ll Rust in Peace unless I Ride The Lightening to The Number of The Beast.  It’s bit of a cunt over analysing oneself.  I guess I’m one of the Children of the Damned.  Tired so often these days.  I’ve had weeks of very very vivid dreams.  The other night I had David Bowie singing for me but it was in a code or different language.  He had 2 big rotten front teeth.  It’s was pretty esoteric.  I need to figure it out.  I’ve been dreaming about other dead people too, family members included.  One day I’ll go home, wherever that is.  I’ll find it.  Crackdown lockdown kickdown blockdown blah blah blah.  We are all SERIOUSLY fucked if we don’t fight back.  

Joyless

The world seems pretty joyless to me at the moment.  Seeing what’s going on and what’s being pushed forwards is quite a scary thing.  I think they’re trying to beat people down bit by bit.  The economy will inevitably crash, which I think is preplanned.  Times will get tough. Depopulation is here in some respects.  Restrictions will go on far longer than most dare to think about.  People think that by doing everything the government tells them is the best way and that anyone who questions things are putting loves at risk, are ‘killing granny, are Covid deniers etcetera. These sane people say that you mustn’t question the science and the science is the only way out of it are fools.  The whole idea of science IS to question things.  It’s there to truly test things.  The idea of political opposition should be to question the government and not just blindly go along with things.  There are huge warning signs as to where this usually leads.  Governments do NOT relinquish power easily.  This is not going to go away by people being vaccinated.  People are making up their own false narratives of how doing x, y or z will be how we get out of this.  They are false.  This control over the people needs to be seen for what it is.  Control.  People cannot press their MP’s hard anymore. The best you can do is email or leave a voicemail.  No more face to face meetings.  They’re becoming faceless.  Things that have been put in place have nefarious ends to them.  

Mid January thoughts 2021

Life is very strange for most of us right now.  So many undercurrents in the world. Everything is changing.  They don’t want us going back to where we were.  They want The Great Reset and the ‘new normal’ and to 6uild 6ack 6etter.  I have drawn my line in the sand.  I will stand firm.  Things will get tougher as the year goes on.  I won’t take an experimental jibjab.  Wise men say “only fools rush in”. Very true.  Boiling frog time for so many.  With all what has been going on I missed a friends birthday.  Happy belated birthday.

  I decided that I can live without medication if needed or wanted.  However I did go back on them for now.  If I decide to come off them again, invariably I will, I’ll do it when I can be more disciplined with daytime activities. Christmas holidays was a good time but not enough structure.  

2021 and what lays ahead

Well here we are now in  2021.  What to say? Hmmm.  Well I’ve now been meds free for 3 weeks. I’ve had 2 weeks off work over Christmas and I’m not reading to go full pelt again. We are now back in a national lockdown in England, the rest of the UK are too, but I have been fully expecting it so I’m not at all shocked.  I’m sure this one will go on until at least April, possibly longer, and will cause untold misery for many and it will also play on people’s mental health even more because it’s winter and it feels like it’s been going on almost forever.  There’s a huge push from government for people to be vaccinated with one of the brand new vaccines that have been pushed through, testing is still ongoing and I know Pfizer have said it’ll be about 24 months before results from stage 3 of testing are in.  So much is going on behind the scenes from governments twisting figures and outright lying about facts and figures. Schools here were due to open and due to start testing students weekly using the lateral flow tests even though The British Medical Journal have said in an online article, dated 23rd December, that theres a high number of false positives from these. The PCR tests give high percentages of false positives too.
Link To BMJ article: 

https://www.bmj.com/content/371/bmj.m4941

There a hell of a lot more going on which I’ve bitten my tongue over for months but a lot of what’s going on is to do with the World Economic Forum’s ‘Great Reset’.  You can find lots of info out about this on their own website and their own YouTube channel. Prince Charles fully backs it and spears in some of their videos.  Link to their website: 

https://www.weforum.org/great-reset/         

Link to their YouTube channel :  

https://youtube.com/worldeconomicforum

   I honestly think we are in for one hell of a rough ride from now onwards. Things are changing and those changes are accelerating….

2021 is looming

2021 will soon be here.  Another year gone by. Another year older.  Another year closer to old age and death I guess.  I don’t see it being better than 2020.  In fact I see things getting worse.  Our Government are fudging facts and figures of the virus to suit their political agendas.  In fact it’s a much bigger agenda going on. A reset.  Our government are ignoring independent experts and sticking to those they trust will give them the ‘facts and figures’ they require while also ignoring things the WHO have said.  I’d guess they’re also sending the billions they’re continuing to spend to friends of theirs via companies they own.  All very dodgy.  Fuckers.  Nefarious plans are afoot no doubt.

 

I had a brief foray back on faceache last night for a few hours but it’s all much of a muchness and I’m left feeling like a alien abductee seeing as I now have hours of missing time from my life again.  Oh well at least I’m off it again.    Next year should be a busy year regarding work so I’ll knuckle down and crack on with that.  One of my customers has said they’ve about 6 months worth of work for me to do and I’ve already got plenty of work on.   

Day off

I’m off work today, a Friday, and might be off all weekend.  Yesterday I had something weird happen. It was maybe vertigo.  I was on a stepladder, only on the first step, and I stepped off staggering sideways to my left.  It felt like I was unbalanced.  It happened a few times and my head didn’t feel right all day.  Very strange indeed.   I finished work early and went to bed for 2 hours.  The night before my sleep was disturbed by Kara and Rhiannon arguing for about an hour after 10pm.  I’d fallen asleep and it woke me up.  It took until maybe 1:30am to get back to sleep and it felt like my mood was going up a bit. I’ve had disturbing dreams for almost a week now too, although last night was better.   I need to keep track of it because my thinking isn’t what it should be.  It’s slightly skewed.  Maybe it was just tiredness yesterday.  It didn’t stop me going to Krav Maga.  I need to keep an eye on it. There’s also some paranoia in my dreams etc and a bit in waking life too for the last week or so.  It’ll pass I’m sure.  It’s a tricky time of year that’s for sure.  Triggers etcetera.  I must keep vigilant.  

2021

I’m sitting here wondering what the rest of this year holds but more so what 2021 has in store.  I think the UK will have another lockdown early next year and more people will question it.  Things will be exasperated.  More people will end up homeless and or out of work.  There’s unrest griwing that’s for sure. So far I’ve been pretty mentally stable.  I’ve been contemplating trying to come of my meds.  I need to ponder it deeper I think.  Weighing up the pros and cons has to be done when I’m not tired and not working so much. The risks of no meds would be possible deep depression and possible mania. Although I’ve learnt so much about myself the last 4-5 years I think I understand it all so much better, especially the warning signs of episodes.    

Hacking attempts

I’ve meant to blog for a day or two but someone has tried hacking the website so I’ve not been able to.

 Where am I at?  Hmmm.  The last week was tricky.  I have my suspicions as to why. It’s a rollercoaster that’s for sure.  I’m almost 46 and am wondering if I’ve become what I never wanted to become in life.  I’m wondering if I’m still young or am I already getting old?  Am I still capable?  I think I am.  There’s so much I want to achieve in life. There’s so much I intended to do but things have changed.  If at the end of my life people think I’ve lived an average life I’ll be happy.  Happy because it means in some ways I’ve remained hidden and happy because what goes on in my head hasn’t escaped too much.
What really is life? Is it simply an imagination? Is it an alien in a virtual reality game playing a character and at death we just remove the headset/blindfold.  Maybe I need to get out of my head.  Out of it fully and look in.  Often I make myself busy doing things but neglect the inner workings. Workings which I used to spend so much time on.  Life certainly is circular.  Ouroboros.  It’s always hidden yet it’s in plain sight.  Everything is.  Mind gymnastics.
Letting the thoughts run free…hmmm….good or bad I don’t know.   What more can I do.  What more should I do.  What should I strive for.  To be a warrior?  Life is about all of it.
Thoughts come. Thoughts go.  Up and down and all around.  Escape is the way.
Maybe leaving earth is the way forwards. I wonder if everyone who’s a deep seated Christian thinks they’re living in the end times like The Book of Revelation.  Maybe this is all just my reality and there is no such thing as others.  Maybe they’re just part of my imagination.  My will as a magician is being tested perhaps.  Maybe this path was chosen for me or I chose it.  Maybe nothing is real. Maybe everything is possible.
 Eh Yeh Asher Eh Yeh.