Hacking attempts

I’ve meant to blog for a day or two but someone has tried hacking the website so I’ve not been able to.

 Where am I at?  Hmmm.  The last week was tricky.  I have my suspicions as to why. It’s a rollercoaster that’s for sure.  I’m almost 46 and am wondering if I’ve become what I never wanted to become in life.  I’m wondering if I’m still young or am I already getting old?  Am I still capable?  I think I am.  There’s so much I want to achieve in life. There’s so much I intended to do but things have changed.  If at the end of my life people think I’ve lived an average life I’ll be happy.  Happy because it means in some ways I’ve remained hidden and happy because what goes on in my head hasn’t escaped too much.
What really is life? Is it simply an imagination? Is it an alien in a virtual reality game playing a character and at death we just remove the headset/blindfold.  Maybe I need to get out of my head.  Out of it fully and look in.  Often I make myself busy doing things but neglect the inner workings. Workings which I used to spend so much time on.  Life certainly is circular.  Ouroboros.  It’s always hidden yet it’s in plain sight.  Everything is.  Mind gymnastics.
Letting the thoughts run free…hmmm….good or bad I don’t know.   What more can I do.  What more should I do.  What should I strive for.  To be a warrior?  Life is about all of it.
Thoughts come. Thoughts go.  Up and down and all around.  Escape is the way.
Maybe leaving earth is the way forwards. I wonder if everyone who’s a deep seated Christian thinks they’re living in the end times like The Book of Revelation.  Maybe this is all just my reality and there is no such thing as others.  Maybe they’re just part of my imagination.  My will as a magician is being tested perhaps.  Maybe this path was chosen for me or I chose it.  Maybe nothing is real. Maybe everything is possible.
 Eh Yeh Asher Eh Yeh.

Winter is coming

Autumn is here.  Winter is yet to come.  The day’s are so short. England is locked down until at least 2nd  December.  I think it’ll be longer even though it was announced today there’s a vaccine that’s 90% efficient.  There’s so much shit going on in the world. I think our lockdown will be extended.  There’s a push for The Great Reset.  There’s a push for Agenda 21 and Agenda 30.  I’ve known about both ‘Agendas’ for a long while.  Agenda 21 I knew about a few years back.  We are being pushed into a totalitarian world.  The UK is now a police state if you look up the definition of it. The police are going by government decisions and guidelines.  They’re doing the governments bidding.  People are living in fear.  They’re having fear pushed upon them by the government and mainstream media.  People are scared.  It’s wrong.  We have a rogue government in England. They’ve lied to the people knowingly and willingly.  They’ve falsified the numbers of infections and deaths. They’ve falsified their projected infections.  All of this knowingly.  It has to be brought to account.  We have to be aware of what’s really going on.  And yes I sound paranoid but no I’m not.  I’m actually well. It’s just there are nefarious plans in place and being acted out.  It’s really not good.  

Is it me or is it something bigger

I’m feeling that I’m withdrawing even more from others and society.  It seems like it’s silly season on steroids right now.  There’s so much unrest in the world.  Governments around the world are pushing Agendas that are not necessarily in the best interests of their people.   Most don’t see it but lots are starting to.  It’s funny because talking about these things could sound paranoid if it weren’t for the fact they’ve put all the information out in documents that anyone can read.

 I often wonder if I’m a fake person. I see so many that are and the saying goes something along the lines of you see in others what you are.  However that doesn’t ring true for sociopaths and psychopaths I’d guess.  I’m questioning myself and my existence again too.  I know dark times are coming and I’m not going to close my eyes to it either.  We should all be very very aware of it all.

 


I’m saying too much already.

Autumn is in full force

Autumn is here early this year.  It seemed to arrive right at the start of September and is at least 6 weeks ahead of usual.  Does it mean we will get a longer harder winter? Who knows.  I hope not because I see this winter as being tricky enough as it is.  There seems to be an air of strangeness around but maybe it’s just me.  People seem more agitated and easily angered.  I’d guess it’s to be expected with hardships and job losses for many people. It’s been exceptionally wet too.  Barely a day without rain for the last 5 or so weeks.   It’s grey most days and feels bleak.  Maybe it’s a reflection of this in people that seems so grey.  What really is going on?  I’ve a good idea.  Agendas are being pushed but I’m having to step away from it as the bigger picture, if true, is bleak.  I’ll keep a good eye as often as I can.  I’m not religious but there certainly are parallels to The Book of Revelation.  Maybe it’s easy to find these links and commonalities though if we try.  I guess everyone who has lived and been religious could think they’re in the end times or find parallels.   As humans we do like to find patterns and hidden meanings in things.  It’s what we do.    Keep well and keep moving forwards.  What will come will come.  

The future. It’s not looking bright….

Are we heading into a dystopian world or have we already started that journey? Things are looking very shady regarding what’s going on with the virus.  There’s so much going on it’s hard to keep up but there’s some shady shit going on too.  Very fucking shady shit.   Lots of little slogans being bandied about and they sound like they make sense until you hear and see them other places too. ‘Build back better’ is just one of them.  ‘We need to x, y or z by 2030’ etcetera etcetera is another.  Google these.  Look into them.  Look into the UN and it’s Agenda 21/30 and what’s really going on.  So much is changing.  ‘The new normal’. It’s all mind control and conditioning.  Look into social engineering and how it works.  ‘Keep safe’ is another one.  ‘Protect lives’.  So much bullshit spread by governments to push their Agendas.  Crazy days ahead.  Lots of unemployment and a shit ton of social unrest thats growing.  The world is on its head.   

Musings on where things are headed

This isn’t a normal blog from me.  I’m pretty much well.  I might sound paranoid to some but hey ho.  I’ve been keeping my head down but watching what’s going on in the world. I’ve been getting news from various places and mostly not from the MSM but rather from alternative sources or from people on the streets.  America is looking tricky I’m some cities right now.  New York is seeing a big exodus of people.  Other cities and states too. It’s happening here in the UK too.  People are leaving London and Birmingham and moving to the sticks.  Some are buying houses without even physically seeing them.  The virus hasn’t gone and I expect it to come back stronger this winter.  Lots of people will be laid off too.  Rough times are ahead.  Seriously seriously rough times.  I’d advise anyone to buy some extra food while they can.  I think it’s going to be a long winter.   There’s also trouble brewing between China and a few countries but especially the USA.  It’s getting to the stages of a small military accident will start a war.  There’s so much more going on too.  So much more. It’s a crazy year that’s for sure and there’s a lot more to come.  Seriously get ready for food shortages.  Do it now.  

Life and thinking things over

I’m sat here contemplating my life. What have I actually done with it?  I feel like I’ve done nothing.  Summer is pushing towards autumn and for the first time I fear winter but not because of possible depression. No. Other reasons.  My mood has slipped a little but I know why.  I was slightly late going to sleep last night.  I had to kind of force myself to shut down or else I don’t know when I’d of slept. I felt wired but thank fuck I realised it.  Tipping points creep up but are mostly noticed now. I watched the last episode of something last night and it’s certainly played on my mind.  I’m not afraid to admit I actually welled up a bit and had tears run down my cheek. Partly it was the series  I’d been watching but also things it brought up for me.  More things I thought I’d dealt with but obviously they will crop up from time to time unexpectedly.  The reasons it hit me was the good acting but also the scenario near the end.  It reminded me a lot of my mums death quite a bit even though it was slightly different but also very similar.  Mental pain is a complete cunt that’s for sure.  I’m going to carry on preparing for what winter might well bring.

On a lighter note my veg are growing well and I think it’s going to be a bumper year for pumpkins and butternut squash.  Cabbages are doing great too plus beetroot.  Some good in my world I guess.  


Edit: I’m shocked to have just seen how many subscribers there now are to this blog. Just under 32,000! That’s fucking crazy. I know there’ll be bots on that list but fuck me that’s a lot.  Unreal. 

Stuff?

this year is flying by like most years seem to these days.  I’m working lots as usual. Luckily I’m clearing debts and hopefully I’ll only have the mortgage as a debt in the next few months.  I’ve cleared a loan and have almost cleared my credit cards off.  It’s a relief.  A load off my mind.  I’m getting set for winter because I’ve a feeling it’ll be a fucking dodgy winter. I don’t think it’ll be just the virus either. The economy is fucked.  I think we are heading for a depression.  We’re already in recession.  Regardless of all of that life is good.  

Where are we heading?

It’s been a while since I’ve thought about writing thoughts down.  So much has changed for so many of us this year.  Lockdowns have driven some to drink, some to exercise and some around the bend.  I’ve worked throughout lockdown.  I’m lucky because I think I’d of lost the plot. China is now flexing its muscles in Hong Kong and on India’s border as well as telling the UK to behave or face consequences. Where the fuck is it all heading this year? Each month seems to have some level of shtf about it.  Luckily I’m not letting my mind run away with me too much.  It could easily do so.  I’ve even taken 2 days off work, today and tomorrow, to try to rest a bit.  I’ve been working 10+ hour days and working some of most Saturdays too to try getting ahead for whatever winter will throw at us.  I’m clearing debts too.  Such strange surreal times we are living in.  Thankfully I’m remaining reasonably sane, as sane as I can be, for now.  I don’t intend to lose it either. I guard it closely now with a watchful eye.  

It’s been a while

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted in here and a lot has changed in the world.  We’ve been kind of locked down here in the UK but restrictions are easing.  The lockdown has shown up that it’s highly likely my daughter has bipolar too.  Her sleep has become erratic. She’s often showing signs of hypomania and anger or depression at others too.  It’s seriously affected her even if it’s just down to the restrictions.  I’ve carried on working right through as I’m working on renovating an empty annex.  I’d foreseen we would go into lockdown so was mentally prepared and physically prepared too.  I knew something was brewing from autumn last year.  It’s affected me a bit too.  I initially found myself obsessing over the virus and where it could lead us. There will no doubt be a second wave from late September/October onwards so I suggest getting extra food supplies in.  I also think the food supply chain could be affected by it and shortages of food grown could be a reality too.  One thing what has shown up from this is how our house isn’t as happy as I’d like it to be.  There’s a hell of a lot of underlying issues here.  Especially between my wife and myself.  Often things are very cold and it’s like I’m punished, and have been for years and years, so I need to reassess things in the not too distant future.  I’m 45 and not sure I can live the rest of my life sexless and lacking closeness.  I’ve tried to cope with it for 10 or so years now and it’s not getting easier.  Resentments grow. I guess with my daughter showing early signs of her mh suffering I’ll have to seriously consider my choices in life for now.  I’ll ponder lots first but I hate feeling like I’m always in the way, or unwelcome,  in my own home, the home I’m mostly paying all of the bills for at that!