I’m wondering …

I’m on day 19 of semen retention now and its easy most day. I’m practicing certain breathing techniques that help lots. They’re pretty much tantric/Kundalini techniques which shift the sexual energy up into the pineal gland and pituitary gland. So far so good. I will keep going. I’m doing a lot of bodyweight exercises too and am cutting intramuscular body fat. My abs are showing a bit and my obliques are now starting to show a little. I am noticing I still have lots of drive and am planning bigger things for next year now too. I will note these down in my book with certain goals like increasing my investments. I’ll see how Q1 starts off and am looking to invest in more crypto and precious metals. I’m looking at a few other things too but will see.

One thing I’m wondering about right now though is whats causing occasional rumbling pain in my right side lower abdomen. I’m hoping its simply muscle issues but am wondering if it’s my appendix starting to play up…

All in all I will keep going with my plans though.

Oh and happy belated birthday to Cherry my sister in law/ex sister in law and happy early birthday to Charlotte a customer and friend incase they read this.

Day 17 of SR

I’m pretty amazed that i an 17 days into semen retention now. It is actually life changing for me. The biggest shocks so far are how quickly testosterone levels increase and how much clearer my focus is. I have huge drive. Its not some crazy bipolar high type drive either, no, it’s long term plans and a map to get there. I will sit down over Christmas and set them down on paper again. I feel quite changed as a person and am not driven by impulsive sexual tension or energy to push me along coupled with a crazy mind. No, this is so very different. The sexual energy is instead harnessed and used inside the body through reabsorption. I’m also using meditation and breathing techniques to raise the energy up my spine back to my pineal and pituitary glands. This is what kundalini yoga involves. I had tried this years ago but didn’t have such a good understanding of it. All good. I would add that taking onboard things that The Unminding Project have spoken about has helped too.

Day 13 of SR

I’m on day 13 of semen retention now and have noticed that this morning my testosterone levels have probably risen again. I wonder if the body reabsorbs the testosterone every 5-7 days and if that causes a peak. A few things pissed me off when I got up this morning. Firstly I saw something puddled in front of the fire that looked like sick. Then when I went into the kitchen I saw that the bottle of spiced rum my daughter got me for my birthday had been opened and more than half had been drunk by her. So yes it was indeed vomit in front of the fire. NOT something that I wanted to be clearing up at 5am! This pissed me off but I’ve calmed down since then. I guess its to be expected when one parent in the house drinks almost every night. It normalises this kind of behaviour, and to be clear I’m not the one who drinks hence why the rum was unopened and was put out of the way. Another reason why my marriage failed. also another reason why I’m glad I took control of my life again. Even my sister in law eventually sought help with her drinking problem. Well done to her if shes still sober. I will need to talk to my ex about this and also my daughter. My ex is too much of a soft touch with our daughter and if things aren’t nipped in the bud very soon she will grow up like her mum with a big victim mentality, which is seriously unhealthy and something I’ve had to try living with since we first got together. I have tried to lead by example but my daughter is obviously close to her mother and follows her example quite a bit. They are both terrible with money and as soon as either of them gets any it is spent. Oh well at least my son is looking into business ideas and is already investing.

One week of SR

I’m quite surprised that I have actually made it to 1 week. The goal now is 2 weeks. I have noticed a few changes so far. Things like my concentration and memory have improved, even though they’re usually good, my eyesight has gotten better and my skin not only seems softer and smoother but the lines around my eyes aren’t as pronounced as they were. my body feels like it’s a little ‘tighter’ and a little bit more defined. I have been reading up on testicle breathing and watching some videos on it but I already do a lot of the breathing stuff and have been breathing properly for years, something most don’t do! So far so good. Life is good and I am calmer than I have been for a long while. Having taken even more notice of Sigma male videos I think I fit that description quite well, not that it matters as I am who I am.


I’ve read up a bit and watched quite a few videos on semen retention. I am 5 days into it and so far so good. It’s easy at the moment and I’m meditating lots re shift the energy around my body. I’ve heard it can get tough but having a very good positive mindset at the minute is obviously helping. I’ve heard it can help naturally raise testosterone levels as well as making the man more attractive to women too due to pheromones. We will see. I’m hoping it helps with my workouts. I’m getting in shape again and my abs are starting to become visible again. Im listening to lots of youtube videos and talks, when i have time or while working, by men for men. All good stuff. I’ve taken myself off Twitter as I was getting embroiled in things that were simply distracting me from what I should be doing. I’m also not bothered by anything the ex family member has to say about me or any stirring they are doing. It’s none of my concern or business now. Life is good and I have drive and ambition again. I have even been to work today even though its Sunday. I am.


It would seem someone has it slightly in for me. I know who’s been stirring the pot with my ex wife, obviously I’ll not name who. I find it extremely sad that at their age they’ve not grown out of pushing their views or pushing others around verbally or passive aggressively and at times physically too. its sad that in all the years I have known them all they want to do is destroy and control others. Very sad. in the past they tried doing it with me too via psychological manipulation. I see through them fully now and quite honestly I pity them because now, like previously in their life, they are set to lose. Oh well. So be it.

A few thoughts

I’ve been contemplating a few things the last week or so. Recently people have come into my life or left it. I’ve been questioning where I’m headed in life from here onwards too. People who I thought were family, by marriage, never really were it seems. It surprised me at first but knowing where others place us in life, or in their lives, has given me great insight for my future. Utter self reliance has to be the way forwards now. It’s made me stronger and has shown me to put more trust in myself and far far less in others. I’m pleased to have relearnt this and moving forwards it will serve me well.

Life is good and I’m making big future plans for once the dust settles. Life changing plans. I guess I have already started!

Where oh where is my life headed

Im once again contemplating my life where is it headed. It often seems like it a circle within a circle. I have contemplated many thing the last few days. Ive had a few days off work due to Covid. I’m now considering even less time on social media. I only use Twitter now and think I ought to be on there much less too. The last month is taking its toll on me. So many things in the last few weeks make no sense to me at all. I really do need to digest it all.

In other news I now have just over 64k subscribers. Which is mind boggling to me. I honestly dont know how or why. Thanks.

edit: Over the last couple of weeks I had considered suicide briefly/fleetingly. I’d guess its was fleeting ideation rather than looking to physically do it. Life can be a right cunt thats for sure. Yet while these fleeting thoughts flew through my mind I have also felt a huge drive in myself snd my life again too.

Here tomorrow gone today

Wow this year is flying by. So much in my life has changed this year and in the last few weeks. My wife and I are now separated and theres lots of other things changing too. Amazingly I now have just short of 64k subscribers reading the madness that i write about my life and it might end up madder still at this rate! I’m yet again focusing on work and also on self as I have neglected this a lot. I have been getting on top of pricing and my VAT recently. I have to catch up on making out bills too, which I intend doing today as I’m off work with Covid.

Even though I have had a couple of weeks of stress and at times had a crazy mind, I have coped. I have coped because I have been listening to Unminding. I know I have mentioned them several times already but I really do urge you all to take a listen to this podcast. They have quite literally helped to change how I look at mental health, both my own and as a whole. Molls has a way of explaining things that I’ve not heard anywhere else and Gem, her cohost, has a way of warming things up and adding her personal experiences which make it very ko relatable. It works so well and I honestly feel at peace with myself after listening. My life in the last couple of weeks were enough to push me over the edge, but using what I’d taken from unminding and questioning my own thoughts saved me. In the past the level of overthinking and mild psychosis, mild for me, that I was going through could have meant a call to get referred back under the MH team but not this time. I know it sounds weird to say but I found I could question my overthinking, whilst in a state of overthinking, but somehow it is possible. We have to stop believing everything we think. I don’t think I’m explaining it as well as Molls does. Maybe go have a listen to their podcast and see for yourself. I’m now almost med free for 3 weeks, which I don’t recommend for anyone else, this was a decision I didn’t take lightly and it was brought up with my GP at a recent health review. I honestly think I can stick with this for now as I have better coping methods in part thanks to Unminding as well as meditating more again. Seriously do go take a look and a listen. I might even work with Molls (Samantha Hurst) 1 to 1 soon.

Things going on etc

A couple of weeks back i did some healing on someone. As i initially started at their neck i got a huge ”download” of what theyve been through in life and the trauma they’ve experienced. What really struck me was the pain they carry hidden, very possibly compartmentalised. The people that were involved with this were into the occult. I knew that by doing the healing session it would very possibly make them aware of me. I was quite correct too. I have been under psychic/occult attack since then but its only just fully dawned on me. Now I know what I’m dealing with I can move forwards. Its interesting to note the physical ailments attached to the attack too. I think the biggest surprise for me is that I am once again drawn into the occult/esoteric world. It’s been a double or triple prong attack too. I guess because I’ve remained hidden for several years I had forgotten how swift these things can be. High time for some ritual protection again. I’m hoping that the person i did healing on isn’t feeling too much themselves as iI was trying to draw the attacks away from them. Hopefully they are.

I highly recommend that any of you who are on Twitter take a look at this page and give it a follow.


the ramblings of a builder who is bipolar