It’s a seriously fucked up world we live in. Most don’t realise but supermarkets only have about 3 days worth of supplies stocked and if there’s a panic for any reason it’s be maybe gone in a day. We have so much uncertainty in this modern world. We don’t have food security any more.  We’re tied to technology. We are becoming cyborgs and can’t even see it  most of the time.  We’re online on phones, iPads or other computers more and more. We leave parts of ourselves online, like this blog, so are maybe reaching some kind of immortality in digital form.  We are becoming more but less.  Because of these things I’ve bought something to break my reliance and addiction. Something so simple. A watch. A simple cheap £7.49 Casio digital wrist watch.  It’s battery powered but I might very soon buy a wind up one, I’ve one earmarked that’s £12. My thinking is to leave my phone in my van when at work or certainly away from me.  I hate that these devices are spying and listening all the time. Divisive devices at that.  Apps share info with each other. Even when turned off an iPhone, others too I’m sure, can and do still listen in! We need to wake the fuck up to this.  We need to escape.  

Well I’ve made it to another birthday. I’m 45. Fortyfuckingfive. I never thought I’d get here. Yet it’s been like a blink of an eye. I guess I’m kind of shocked.  I’d intended for this to be a better birthday than usual but yet again it’s pretty shit.  I’ve had 1 card and 1 gift and that was from friends of mine. My kids haven’t wished me happy birthday yet.  My wife has been a bit unwell the last few days so hasn’t got me a card or anything from her or the kids. The usual leaving things until the last minute has gone tits up again.  I think next year I’ll go away on my own out of the way, assuming I’m still around.  It looks like I’ll be cooking dinner for us again tonight too because Kara has decided to go to bed and go on Facebook. She was up there when Fynn and I got in from the gym. Who knows maybe she’ll decide to come down later.  Such is life.  

This virus abd sore throat are lingering. I didn’t do a workout tonight. I took Fynn to our gym but only did warm ups with him the trained him. I tried to train but I’m too worn out. We put the weights I normally use on the dumbbells and I struggled to lift one dumbbell with both hands let alone one in each so I gave up.  It’s for the best while feeling shitty. I have taken myself off Facebook again tonight as I’ve found myself being slightly antagonistic. Maybe more than slightly. Hey ho. Strength will soon come back physically. Mentally I need to recoup. 

I’ve got a kind of virus/sore throat thing going on since yesterday. I’ve dropped about 3 pounds in body weight too! Never good when you’re bodybuilding but once this illness goes the weight will soon go back on.  I’m wondering if it’s why I’ve been a bit wired and a bit hypomanic the past week. It could well be. In fact I hope it is because at least that means it’s not just down to mental health issues.  I’d think the weight dropping is some fluid loss from being warm and also having a headache all day. I need it gone by tomorrow so it doesn’t affect my workouts too much. I’ll go lighter next week anyway. We’d already decided that because last week we hit it hard. If the hypomania, it’s mild, is down to this I’ll be very happy.  I’ll be glad for the thoughts to slow down that’s for sure.