2021 will soon be here.  Another year gone by. Another year older.  Another year closer to old age and death I guess.  I don’t see it being better than 2020.  In fact I see things getting worse.  Our Government are fudging facts and figures of the virus to suit their political agendas.  In fact it’s a much bigger agenda going on. A reset.  Our government are ignoring independent experts and sticking to those they trust will give them the ‘facts and figures’ they require while also ignoring things the WHO have said.  I’d guess they’re also sending the billions they’re continuing to spend to friends of theirs via companies they own.  All very dodgy.  Fuckers.  Nefarious plans are afoot no doubt.

I had a brief foray back on faceache last night for a few hours but it’s all much of a muchness and I’m left feeling like a alien abductee seeing as I now have hours of missing time from my life again.  Oh well at least I’m off it again.    Next year should be a busy year regarding work so I’ll knuckle down and crack on with that.  One of my customers has said they’ve about 6 months worth of work for me to do and I’ve already got plenty of work on.   

I’m off work today, a Friday, and might be off all weekend.  Yesterday I had something weird happen. It was maybe vertigo.  I was on a stepladder, only on the first step, and I stepped off staggering sideways to my left.  It felt like I was unbalanced.  It happened a few times and my head didn’t feel right all day.  Very strange indeed.   I finished work early and went to bed for 2 hours.  The night before my sleep was disturbed by Kara and Rhiannon arguing for about an hour after 10pm.  I’d fallen asleep and it woke me up.  It took until maybe 1:30am to get back to sleep and it felt like my mood was going up a bit. I’ve had disturbing dreams for almost a week now too, although last night was better.   I need to keep track of it because my thinking isn’t what it should be.  It’s slightly skewed.  Maybe it was just tiredness yesterday.  It didn’t stop me going to Krav Maga.  I need to keep an eye on it. There’s also some paranoia in my dreams etc and a bit in waking life too for the last week or so.  It’ll pass I’m sure.  It’s a tricky time of year that’s for sure.  Triggers etcetera.  I must keep vigilant.  

I’m sitting here wondering what the rest of this year holds but more so what 2021 has in store.  I think the UK will have another lockdown early next year and more people will question it.  Things will be exasperated.  More people will end up homeless and or out of work.  There’s unrest griwing that’s for sure. So far I’ve been pretty mentally stable.  I’ve been contemplating trying to come of my meds.  I need to ponder it deeper I think.  Weighing up the pros and cons has to be done when I’m not tired and not working so much. The risks of no meds would be possible deep depression and possible mania. Although I’ve learnt so much about myself the last 4-5 years I think I understand it all so much better, especially the warning signs of episodes.