Ive been mulling lots over the last few days.  I’ve been thinking about life and death and what a human existence is really about.  My own existence mostly I guess but humans in general.  Even animals.  Maybe even the whole universe.  What are we really and where does everything really come from?  For now I’m happy to let them be as they are, and that’s kind of fleeting thoughts, thoughts that I don’t follow too deeply as it can be a rabbit hole.  I’m not too interested in going down another rabbit hole again.  Anyway so I’ve been musing it a little while at work.  

Work is very busy and my plans are still going kind of as I had planned.  I’ve forgotten a few little things the last few days.  Things like stretching in the morning and also writing out my daily work goals on my phone so I can tick things off as I go along.  I usually set time targets for certain jobs too.  I feel I’ve drifted a little as I’ve not written them out but I’ve still been really busy and productive.  I’m still mostly on track with my morning and daily routines but I will write out my normal morning routine on my phone or iPad later.  One thing I have been doing is checking emails not long after getting up at 6 ish instead of waiting until after 7.  I even had thoughts about Facebook and some Facebook friends today but realised my mind wasn’t focused and was trying to trick me back down the Facebook road.  I quickly took can the of it again though so all good.  I certainly don’t miss all of the online drama anymore or the paranoia that it can bring.  

 I’d better write out my morning routine while I think of it now.  

Today I had an appointment with my cpn.  He came to mine, he normally does as it’s easier for us both and it’s on his way home.  He was a bit late but that was ok. We chatted about things and where I’m at. We spoke about Christmas and things.  He asked about the plans I had before Christmas regarding property etc and I said the plans are still in place and how I’m hitting goals etc.  He told me how impressed and in awe of how I’ve done and how much I can do. He’s pretty amazed at how well I cope and how I keep myself well. We even talked about possibly going med free at some point.  He’s a really nice bloke but in a way I hope I don’t see him again in a professional manner because I’m now discharged from mental health services! I’m discharged! That’s so cool. I’m really happy.  It’s shown me how far I’ve come and how much I’ve worked through.  I can get referred back to services by my GP if I ever need to in the future, I was discharged before briefly, but I’m hoping that this time it’s permanant or certainly much much longer!  I’m getting used to feeling this well and being level isn’t so boring after all.  I still have lots of good energy and I have my DRIVE back again.  I have some direction and lots of goals to hit.  It’s all good. 

I’ve taken this morning off work but possibly all day. I’ve been feeling rough since Saturday with a cough and some virus thing. I fought it off about 3 times before Christmas with my mind. I was too busy to be unwell and didn’t allow my mind to think about it.  I’m still really busy but don’t have drastic deadlines to meet and as it’s shown it’s head a bit again I’ve decided to allow it to come through a bit.  My body is telling me I need a short rest. I felt really unwell until about 11 yesterday morning but stopped myself thinking about it until after work when I felt rubbish again. One thing that I’m pleasantly surprised about is that it’s not affected my mental health because in the past it would of done. I have lots of drive again and lots of goals and I think this is partly why it’s not affecting me. I might go in to work this afternoon. I’m unsure at the moment though.  I might not go to band practice either as it’ll finish late. I cancelled my drumming lesson yesterday as I knew it might affect the virus thing. 

Yesterday I knew something and had a feeling I was right but didn’t feel the need to check until late last night.  It was a concious decision not to too.  Here is a post from 2 years ago on January 2nd. It shows where I was and shows me how far I’ve come:

A hard post to write. Don’t read if serious issues can trigger you.