Im once again contemplating my life where is it headed. It often seems like it a circle within a circle. I have contemplated many thing the last few days. Ive had a few days off work due to Covid. I’m now considering even less time on social media. I only use Twitter now and think I ought to be on there much less too. The last month is taking its toll on me. So many things in the last few weeks make no sense to me at all. I really do need to digest it all.

In other news I now have just over 64k subscribers. Which is mind boggling to me. I honestly dont know how or why. Thanks.

edit: Over the last couple of weeks I had considered suicide briefly/fleetingly. I’d guess its was fleeting ideation rather than looking to physically do it. Life can be a right cunt thats for sure. Yet while these fleeting thoughts flew through my mind I have also felt a huge drive in myself snd my life again too.

Wow this year is flying by. So much in my life has changed this year and in the last few weeks. My wife and I are now separated and theres lots of other things changing too. Amazingly I now have just short of 64k subscribers reading the madness that i write about my life and it might end up madder still at this rate! I’m yet again focusing on work and also on self as I have neglected this a lot. I have been getting on top of pricing and my VAT recently. I have to catch up on making out bills too, which I intend doing today as I’m off work with Covid.

Even though I have had a couple of weeks of stress and at times had a crazy mind, I have coped. I have coped because I have been listening to Unminding. I know I have mentioned them several times already but I really do urge you all to take a listen to this podcast. They have quite literally helped to change how I look at mental health, both my own and as a whole. Molls has a way of explaining things that I’ve not heard anywhere else and Gem, her cohost, has a way of warming things up and adding her personal experiences which make it very ko relatable. It works so well and I honestly feel at peace with myself after listening. My life in the last couple of weeks were enough to push me over the edge, but using what I’d taken from unminding and questioning my own thoughts saved me. In the past the level of overthinking and mild psychosis, mild for me, that I was going through could have meant a call to get referred back under the MH team but not this time. I know it sounds weird to say but I found I could question my overthinking, whilst in a state of overthinking, but somehow it is possible. We have to stop believing everything we think. I don’t think I’m explaining it as well as Molls does. Maybe go have a listen to their podcast and see for yourself. I’m now almost med free for 3 weeks, which I don’t recommend for anyone else, this was a decision I didn’t take lightly and it was brought up with my GP at a recent health review. I honestly think I can stick with this for now as I have better coping methods in part thanks to Unminding as well as meditating more again. Seriously do go take a look and a listen. I might even work with Molls (Samantha Hurst) 1 to 1 soon.