Waking up early and other such nonsense

I’m waking up about 5:30 most mornings now but sometimes earlier.  I think some of it is a little anxiety but not sure.  Maybe my sleep patterns have changed a bit.  Who knows.  I think some of it is down to having lots of work to price, which is good, and some of it is a bit of an off shoot of getting low on meds just over a week ago and eking them out a bit by taking half dose.  The lower dose did affect me and it’s made me realise that if and when I come off them I’m going to have to taper off gently.  Dropping down to half over night isn’t great and was bumpy as hell.  I felt like I was going to start an episode but now think it was more the sudden change in meds amount that hit me instead.  My confidence hasn’t been as high as usual the last week either.  I’m getting back on track again now though and I knew that a few days of lower meds then going back to full would take at least a week to get over.  I had wondered if it was psychosomatic but I’m quite sure it was as I have kept to my usual strict routine.   My mourning routine is the thing that keeps me on a good path.  It sets me up for the day ahead.   Once I’ve been up for an hour or so my body and mind catch up with each other and wake up properly together.     I’m also quite aware that it’s usual to feel edgy this time of year as it’s just been both of my children’s birthdays and in just over another week it will be the 10th anniversary of my mum dying.   It’s usually a tricky time regarding my mind.  I’m still in a pretty good place regardless of a few strange dreams that have involved certain threats to myself.  

Thoughtfulness, waking early and tetchyness

I’ve been waking up a bit earlier than usual for a few days. This morning I was awake at 4am but dozed off and woke up several times before getting up at 6am. I’ve noticed my mood has been slightly different for a few days. Some of this I put down to the mornings starting to get light earlier and some of it down to only taking half my usual dose of Lamotrigine for a few days as I was running out.  Some of it is down to my children’s birthdays and the anniversary of my mother dying. I’m being watchful anyway. Also my wife is rubbing me up the wrong way and I’m biting my lip over a few things with her.  I guess that’s life. I’m not sure I’d want to live with me when I’m irritable or tired let alone in an episode.  I’ve decided to kick my own arse a bit again as a few things were slipping. Hitting my goals for one and also keeping on top of paperwork as well. Such is life. At least I’m not off my head so to speak and am able to keep a good amount of focus on it all.