As it says above I’m still feeling good. Life’s good too. I’m getting lots of work in and I’m pretty relaxed too. Life’s superb. Long may it last. My rituals are progressing well too. I have had a little less focus the last few days but that’s ok. I’m still invoking my Holy Guardian Angel. Still or acting my rituals too. I even went into the laboratory /oratory after work.
Well last night I did a ritual as well as yesterday morning. I think I’m going to carry on with this. I’m also reading ‘The Middle Pillar’ by Israel Regardie.
It’s Monday morning already and I am anxiety free. I’ve completed my morning ritual too. Last night my mind did race quite a bit and I wasn’t fully present. It happened after we picked my wife up from her few days away. I put effort into calming it and it worked. I’m not giving up on trying to live a normal life. I will master myself. I can live with the odd evening of racing thoughts or even low mood as long as they are few and far between. I think being relaxed but focused is a key element to this.
When I feel good like this I can’t think of much more to write. I don’t feel like dragging up all of my past angst or anxieties or my highs and lows. Feeling human is good. I’m trying hard not to think myself out of this mood. My diet hadn’t been it’s best lately and I’ve not exercised properly for a while but I’m ok with that. I’ll not beat myself up about it either. I’m happy.
Today I’m feeling normal, again but a little tired too. I’m actually enjoying feeling normal, although it’s strange. It’s strange to feel normal, what a funny thing to write or to feel. What is normal anyway?
I guess what I mean is I’m feeling back inside my body kind of fully. However saying that I’m practicing my rituals very diligently and things are moving along very well and I feel quite ethereal at times. It’s good to be back to normal again regardless of what may come along.
All is good. It feels funny to write that, especially after the last however many years.
I never thought that I would say this bit normal is nice! Wow I’m still feeling pretty good and have done for over a week now. I don’t know what to write really. I’ve had a nice day out with the children. They were ready and dressed before we needed to leave. They didn’t argue about getting dressed or cleaning their teeth this morning either! We got to the stables nearly 7 minutes early too. We went to the beach where they used their body boards and swam. All good.
I’m practicing my rituals regularly in the mornings and doing invocations. I’m doing some stuff during the day too. I’m invoking when I get the chance and I’m very grateful right now too.
today has been really productive. My wife is away so I’ve been doing all of the school run stuff before and after work , which meant only a few hours at work. I still managed to do lots. It was really productive too. After school there was a cake stall then we got icecream’s. We’ve just got back from the beach where we had chips. Not the most healthy foods but we’ve had fun and I’m still feeling good too.
I’m still feeling good. I sat down last night and used a psychology and high magic technique to go back to my childhood feelings. Mostly I sensed fear and anger. I knew that it wasn’t all like that so this morning in my ritual I revisited my childhood again and this time sensed the love. I think I never felt it at the time properly. I guess we don’t always.
I came from a broken home. My parents separated when I was barely just 6 and between my birthday, which is the later part of November, and Christmas of 1980. I guess it pushed me very deep into myself. Looking back over all of it has made me fear that my children might be lonely too. My wife and I don’t have a social life and I honestly think that’s down to me. I honestly think I either push people away or I’m too full on. I think that these are defended mechanisms that I have built up so as to not get attached to anyone in case they dessert me, and usually I push them away so I guess I feel self justified, thus building more fears into myself and also reinforcing those fears. I’m not sure what the answer is but I guess I’m very very socially awkward. In part because of myself but in part because I’m very critical of others internally.
Anyway I guess I’m facing these things now. I seem to often be facing them. I guess fear sits on my shoulder too much too often. It’s time to let more of the love show through. Time to fully heal myself. It’s an ongoing big task though but I won’t baulk at it. I started this journey a long while ago and it’s always ongoing. I guess I’m at a good level of just acknowledging these feelings. I’m certainly not analysing them in any way other than knowing they are there or have been there. I guess it’s all part of knowing my Holy Guardian Angel. Knowing my own true self and my true nature. I certainly feel blessed right now. I feel loved too.
I’m carrying on with my rituals every morning and have been for the last week and a half or so. I’ve had the experience before but not in the proper setting I guess. Looking back into ones own life history is certainly not an easy task and it’s not something to do lightly, the dragging up of the past. Especially if it seems to have fear and anger in it. I guess as children we are innocent but at the same time products of our upbringing. I think that we are maybe more open with our children these days than when I was growing up. I know that I certainly didn’t understand what was going on. I’m hoping that understanding and dealing with these things will help me move much further forwards.
If I could or can feel like this all of the time then I certainly choose to. I’m feeling good. I’m not sure what else to write. I’ve felt like this now since Saturday or Sunday. I honestly don’t think I’ve felt like this for years. Many years. Maybe over 10 years since before my children were born maybe. Maybe I’ve never actually felt this good or this normal or even this level of inner peace either. I’m human again but more, more than that, I’m kind of superhuman but not in a high way just a good modes normal way. Life seems pretty good right now, pretty big standard normal kind of good. I think I’ve always wanted an exceptional life but right now my life is normal which is exceptional. I use an app on my phone to chart moods, anxiety, sleep etc and it’s flatlined over the last few days which means no highs or lows just good old normal ness. I think getting my circadian rhythms good has helped along with countless other things like coming off Facebook and twitter, cutting a few emotional and energy sucking vampires out too. I don’t watch tv and I barely listen to the radio so I’m not getting told what to think either. Avoiding television and all forms of news has helped enormously because we really are age ted by those things and we are made to form an opinion of the news items too. Opinions that we might not look at rationally either. So I guess lots of small things make us distracted, or certainly me anyway. Long may it last.
This morning I’m feeling pretty normal. I’d almost say I feel good. Long may it last.
I’m feeling normal. No anxiety, no fears, no extra energy. I feel good. I’m a little tired but it’s a normal kind of tired. I feel good about it too. I never thought feeling ‘normal’ would feel good. I’d live to feel like this all of the time. My mental discipline is almost back to its normal level too. Long may it last. I’ve gotten rid of a negative situation/person from my life recently too. I’ve decided that I need to be more selfish when it comes to my mental health now. I need to notice the negative and stick with what’s good for me. Then I should feel better more often.