Why do I fear so many things? Do I really fear things? Do I build up too much expectation and then fear failure? What do I really seek? I know I seek my own enlightenment. I know I have remained hidden from view, from others, from socialising for a long while. I have to take back whatever control I have let myself give up. I can and will do it. I will beat any mental illness that I have. I want to. I won’t let it define me or beat me down anymore.
I’ve been at breaking point recently, possibly for the last few years. I am getting clarity of vision now. I don’t know where I’m headed at times but I will win out. The only thing that is a slight concern is that I am willing to push my own boundaries. I push to find myself and to find my limits. A fear I have is that I’m limitless. I practice ritual magic on and off and am quite proficient at it. I’ve done a few rituals this last week.
I feel trapped lately. I need to find out in what way though. I will win through.
