Still not feeling great. Lots of work to do and I know it’ll fit into place but it is stressing me out. I’m still coughing badly and it’s making me gag when I cough too although I’ve not thrown any sick up only fluid. If I wasn’t so busy at work I’d take some time off. When I get like this I always fear pneumonia creeping back but I’m sure it’s not. I might try to get a doctors appointment today just to be sure though.
Last night was a tough night. I’m struggling. At times like these I wonder who I am. I constantly seem to be trying to find myself but at the same time I know myself.
I had some really vivid stuff going on in my head last night. Visits from the spirit world. There’s lots to work out there. Lots to see about. I guess some would think I’m crazy but others would understand. Along with absolute clarity comes the feeling of being crazy. If you think you’re crazy does that make you sane because you have the ability to question these things. And what of emotions ? How do they affect us ? A logical mind would say emotion is a chemical in the brain but I am a conscious being and where does my consciousness sit?
Monday morning is here again bright and clear. I’m starting to feel a little better but will leave working out for now. My thoughts are starting to get clearer again too. It’s good to have these moments of absolute clarity. My goal for today is to write my diary. I’ve not done that for a week now, so I’d better get started again. I’ve also not noted down about my alchemical works starting again in my lab notes. Tut tut.
I always seem to have things on my mind , things that take some working out. At times I feel really old, at others I feel like a child or I have childlike wonder in the world. I know I’m selfish at times but maybe I’m not and I just beat myself up mentally too much. I need to unwind fully and start to flow again. Talking of which I’ve already practiced qigong this morning. I’ve been into the lab too and checked on some things. Everything is as it should be.
My daughter has whooping cough at the minute but is over the worst but her older brother is now getting a good cough on him. Kids puck so much up.
I’m starting to take notice of my thoughts more and my visual awareness it has been reawakened by some very special art too. It resonates with me and my thoughts and views on life and the esoteric backing of life. In becoming aware of ‘things’ more again and I’m getting visits in my dreams and my waking life too, which is great.
I had better get moving with my day ahead. It’s going to be a week of long days.
it’s Sunday at 11:17 and I’m still not feeling great. I’ve been coughing up blood a little the last 2 mornings. I lauded in until 8:10 and didn’t get out of bed until about. 9:30. I’m still not dressed and will have a bath soon.
I had mild hallucinations this morning but that’s ok. I’m still mulling over things in my mind. So much of my past needs dealing with. Things I started in my alchemy and magic that are yet to be completed. I needed the mental gap to grow and now I’m ready to return, although I won’t work in my lab until my health is fully recovered. Not because of the materials themselves but my influence over the materials. Perfect health for perfect works.
My circadian rhythm is way out at the minute. I’m off food a fair but too. I’ve dropped to just over 14 stone now where as a week ago I was maybe 14 stone 9-10lbs. I know the weight will go back on once I start working out again, which I’m not doing while not feeling great.
Life is what it is. Im feeling pretty balanced at the moment although I’m very finely tuned too right now. Work is very busy and that had its own stress at the minute too.
I was up at 6 as usual but since the virus tearlike this week vid had a nasty cough. This morning I started coughing up a little blood. I’m pretty sure I’m ok though. I had pneumonia 8 years ago exactly now. Since then my lungs aren’t too bad but a cough can make me cough up blood.
Ive been visiting other worlds astrally again recently and things are getting stronger. I’ve found a close tie that I will explore further too. Lots of my past esoteric workings are coming back up, lots of things left unfinished are starting to get finished. Physical things are coming up too. I’m going to get back in my alchemical lab and make some herbal elixirs etc too. It’s all pretty crazy and I guess when I read back it’ll make more sense to me. I’m pretty certain I now know where my oath lays and where I’m heading too. Enough for now. Life is life.
I’m starting to think I’m going up, going down. Possibly one or the other, possibly both at once. I’ll see what happens but I’ve seen some triggers/warning signs. I’m getting up early still but going to sleep later. I’m feeling a little stressed and wired too. I’m still not fully 100% back to full health after a virus either. Oh well I will be whatever I will be.
I haven’t filled my diary in either pretty much all week. Partly because of being unwell and partly because everything has been building up. How can my life get so complicated so quickly ?
It’s Thursday and I’m almost human again. Work has been hard work but that’s ok. I’ve felt ‘out’ of myself a bit these last few days. I’m coming back inside now though.
I’m home from work. I came home earlier and had a snooze for about 1 3/4 hours as I didn’t sleep well last night. I had a high temperature on and off mixed in with feeling freezing. I think I must of been fighting demons again. It’s been a while. I’m starting to feel a bit better now. Last night I was hallucinating. I didn’t mention it to anyone at the time, but I knew I was. When I get physically ill I try to go inside the virus and work through it like that. I kind of embrace it. Anyway I’m getting better. I just hope I don’t get too hot tonight.
I’ve woken this morning to a sore throat but I’m feeling good. I’ll live. Ive not got the usual Monday morning feelings. I’m feeling pretty ok. Life’s good.
Late to bed and early up. I had a snooze in the afternoon and so I didn’t go to sleep early. Not sure how that pans out today. I’ll see how my day goes.