Sunday evening thoughts

Today I’ve been clearing my dads house. Before we went there I made a list of things to get done etc. I did this so that I had a focal point and something to tick things off of. It really helped because it made it less personal. I know it’s a coping mechanism and it’s a form of mental compartmentalising things. I went there with the minds that it just had to be done, that it was just another ‘thing’ that needs doing. My wife and children were there along with my father in law. The children didn’t stay for long but I wanted them to help a tiny bit so they can deal with it a little and also my son wanted to find his Swiss army knife that my dad had for him. I knew I’d seen it last week when I’d been in sorting some things out but couldn’t remember where. Luckily I found it.    

 It’s so strange how a life when ended ends up in a few bags and boxs and lots of things just have to get recycled etc. Lots of things will go to a charity shop or local charity that sells furniture. Some things will go to those close to me and some of his musical instruments might need to be sold but ive decided if they aren’t worth too much I might see about donating them to the local primary school. Who knows. I’m now pretty sure he doesn’t have any life or funeral insurance. He always did have and always told me where it was and I even found documents there with the policy numbers on the front. Oh well. That’s life. Or death I guess.      

I’m not feeling so bad today.  Yesterday was a full bore mixed episode and coupled with grief it was almost a tipping point too. I’m glad I was able to articulate my feeling and get them down in case of the future.  One thing I am surprised I did today was tell my cousin about the cyclothymia/bipolar and also about this blog. She was pretty shocked to read how I can feel at times.  I’m only now aware that she’s been going through some things herself over the last few months  it’s funny how things crop up or come out.  I will have to go and see her for a cuppa and a chat. She’s always been one of my favourite cousins and my dad always thought the world of her too.  

I’m not drinking today either.  I drank every night for almost the last week. Not good. I’m usually tee total. Oh well. Not to worry.  I guess we all cope with life in different ways at times and in ways we wouldn’t normally choose to cope. 


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