3am on the side of a road

It’s 3am. It’s New Year’s Day. I’m sat on the side of a road.  I’ve got up, got dressed and had to leave.  My brain is playing up, bordering on psychosis at a guess. Not good. Everything is fucking up. Kara is drinking most nights. She’s getting sarky with me a lot. Funny nasty remarks when others aren’t around. Passive aggressive behaviour. It’s fucking me up. I’m not much better.  New Year’s Eve I was asleep by 10pm. There was no point staying up. She went to bed at 7:30 drunk and being sarky. I’ve had enough. I think I’ll put the house on the market and fuck it all off. I can’t be doing with it. The bills are too expensive. We should never have moved there. I was pressured to move even while my mum was dying. Fuck it all. Years later it’s no better.  My daughter wonders why I’m always grumpy. She’s up nearly all night. Our electricity is going up to over £400 a month. A.  Fucking. Month. Most of the bills I pay. Enough. It has to stop. My daughter is also drinking when she shouldn’t be. I wonder where she gets that from… do I go home or do I go fill up my van somewhere abd just go…

 

 

Edit. I’m home. I did manage to run a deer over on the way home. It’s neck broke. I reversed to check on it. I should have put it in the van for the freezer really.  I also haven’t mentioned the violent thoughts I’ve been having tonight of very graphic violences.  Not good.  I should sleep.  

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