I’ve woken up with anxiety yet again. I’m not sure why. Today should be dry until much later. The weather forecast had said it would pour with rain. It’s good that it’ll be dry but it’s totally throwny thinking about work. I was anxious anyway. I’ve decided that I’ll go in and do what I can. That’s all I can do. If I get pissed off I’ll sit down. If I’m tired I’ll snooze. It’s an empty house so it’s fine.
I need my mojo back. I’m lacking some serious get up and go right now. I’m really really struggling mentally and I’m so tired too. Last night I had to switch my phone off because I was wired. After I turned the light off I felt a surge in energy too. Luckily I switched off and slept. I didn’t think I would. There are so many triggers for me right now that it’s hard to notice them all. I need sleep. If it’s wet tomorrow I will do a job that needs doing then I’ll rest. I’m worn out by it all. It’s hard to explain to anyone how tired I feel inside. I feel old but I keep plodding on and keep carrying on. Too many people rely on me being ok that I cant not be ok. I can’t wait until the weekend and having 4 days off. I might do the absolute minimum this week and then my wife can go to work. This week is a bit screwed up anyway. I just want to go to sleep.
What is happening? I thought most of this was under control. I thought I’d figured out my triggers. I guess as my life continues I get new unexpected triggers. I don’t know very much anymore. It’s all a mystery to me right now. I came off facebook for almost 24 hours but went back on. I think I need to get off it. Maybe permanently. I need to write out a game plan for this year/life. I’m just drifting along aimlessly.