So it’s the last day of Maay and I’ve done more house clearing at my dads. I went there at lunchtime and started sorting photographs etc. Then my family arrived. We got loads into the van and car then it all got a bit much so we brought it hom and unloaded. A quick rest and cuppa and we went back and sorted some things that needed recycling and too them to the recycling centre. It’s fucking tough going through a dead parents things. We brought his big tv back here and I installed it. It’s great but it also feels odd having it here. Kind of freaky and final. I know there’s lots still to do but its getting easier bit by bit. Life has to go on and it will. One thing that dawned on me is that I’m now free. I’m. Free with no real tied anymore. That in itself is fucking freaky but hey ho. I think I’m probably a bit high but that’s ok. I need it right now. I’ve also found out a few more people who came to his funeral. My children still amaze me day by day. Today they’ve been great help mostly while claring his house. They both came to his funeral and followed the coffin and came to the grave side as he was intered. What beautiful beings my kids are. I’m very lucky to have them. What a beautiful family I have and yet at times I feel so distant from them, like I distance myself for their and my own protection. Strange. But hey life is strange.
Today I found old diaries of my dads with certain dates in. Like the death of friends of his or the time and date of birth of my children too. I’m going to miss him at times. I’m just glad I was there towards the end.
