Oh how life is strange and shitty at times. I think I’m getting a shift in mood. I’ve had several stupid paranoid thoughts the last few days and even though I know they’re not real they are playing on my mind when I least expect them to. It sucks. I’m not sure where my mood is going or if it’s going anywhere at all. I can’t even remember what I was going to write either. I’m tired. Very tired. Mentally and physically. At work today I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep. I didn’t even care if I’d if never woke up again. I’m tired of all the struggles that even daily life can have. It’s a fucker. I’m not sure where my head is at or where my life is headed. At times I see how great things are and at other times I feel washed up at 40. I’ll soon be 41. I keep trying to push forward with life but fuck me it beats me down. I try to remain positive about how things will get better but every penny I try to save just goes. One thing I do know is that permaculture is the way forwards with life. We need to get off grid asap. I crave getting away from normal society and being able to focus fully on getting us set up off grid and with no mortgage. It’s funny really because most of the time I try to remain focused and present but yet I’m dreaming about things I want to do. Ah it is what it is. No point going on at myself. I’m too tired to give a fuck anyway. One day I’ll be dead. It could be any day.