Being aware of being away

I’m very aware that I’m away from my normal routine. I’m feeling ok but it’s strange not having the normal routine. I guess I’ve felt a little wilder and a little less in control of my feelings and thoughts. I’m much more tired and I’ve only been away since yesterday. The break has done me and us good though. I’ve asked my wife if she’s enjoying being away and she says she is, but I’m never sure if she is just saying that to please me or if she genuinely is enjoying herself too. I struggle to work out her feelings most of the time anyway. I find her very hard to read. Maybe she finds me even harder to read though!

my head aches a little. I have noticed that I’ve not been very present today in myself. My thoughts have ran away with me and I guess I’ve been fantasising about stuff too. I’m certainly tired. I hope I sleep restfully tonight. I slept well last night but tied myself up in knots a bit by not being in my routine. I never realised how much I like routine. I never thought routine was needed so much either! 

I’m feeling pretty boring with all the routine. I felt like ordering a meal with meat tonight and alcohol. I’m vegetarian and don’t drink so I don’t know why I felt like that, maybe it was because my routine is broken a bit and I feel slightly out of control too.

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