A hard post to write. Don’t read if serious issues can trigger you.

This is the hardest most honest post I have ever written. It will shock some people and to be sitting here writing it seems ironic. I’m not sure where to start. I’ll just start.  A very short while ago my daughters cat saved me. She stopped me in my tracks. I had walked up our garden and had got toy children’s rope swing. I had just gathered two of the bits of rope out of the three that are tied to the tree and the tyre. I had wrapped the two around my neck and had just lowered my weight into the rope. I was just feeling light headed and about to choke when my daughters cat appeared and meowed at my feet. It stopped me. I gained some control and took the rope from around my neck and gathered some composure. I called her to take her in. Once I got her in I was about to go back out but couldn’t. My neck hurts a little now and I feel stupid and weak. I can’t even do that. How fucking stupid. So I’m here. Ive written this because I need to put it down. I’m not sure why it for what reason. I am a twat. It’s that simple. I can’t even kill myself. Do I question why it happened how it did? Maybe I need to. Maybe I need to think there was a reason. I’m fucked if I know. So there it is. My most honest post. I am a weak twat. 

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