This morning was a morning of far too much internal dialogue and internal fights.
A friend messaged me to see if I was ok and I kind of rambled and said not so good. She messaged back that she had almost finished one job and could chat shortly. I figured she meant message chat but she phoned instead and was a real star at telling me it’s ok to just be as I was and to try not to analsie too much. She helped me realise I was beating myself up far too much. I figure I need to be able to phone my wife when I’m like that and maybe have a different code word than the one she uses to tell me if I’m going off on one. Food for thought.
I had called the psych nurse this morning and managed to chat with her this afternoon and she also put my mind at ease. I had a few questions, most of which I had forgotten, and she was really good at answering them. My next appointment will be with the psychiatrist and I can discuss more then too and ask more questions. I think what has surprised me most about having a diagnosis is I don’t feel so fake about it all now. I always new my thinking was a it different but now I know it is and that there’s a reason why. Mostly it’s because I’m awesome. Mostly. I only wish everyone could see the world how I do when I’m on a fantastic high and hear all that I can hear too.