Tired. Mood stabilisers

I’m tired of everything. There must be more to life than drudgery. I don’t seem to earn enough or pay myself enough. I seem to work too much which takes part of me away from who I really am. Ive been physically unwell for the last 2 weeks and it’s made me realise that my life isn’t how I want it to be. I work too much. It’s not good. It means I’m grumpy with my family. Not good. Also I think the mood stabilisers might not be working for me. They’ve robbed me of part of myself. The prognosis for bipolar 1 is shit too. I need to feel awesome not just ‘level’ whatever level is. I’m no longer superman. I’m just man now. My wife thinks that the mood stabilisers are helping. I’m really not so sure. It was a year ago  that my dad died on Monday and I am quite aware it’s affecting me. Maybe more than I realise. I’m feeling quite emotionless at times now too. I need to escape. To get away. Life fucks me up. I don’t have the energy I used to have. Who am I now? Am I still me? Who have I become?

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