At the edge of the abyss

Once again I’m standing at the edge of the abyss.  I had almost 2 days of being almost level but tonight some things my wife said have made my brain go into overdrive. Even my fingers aren’t mine right now. I tried explaining about psychosis and things to her. She said she gets it every day etc. I’m just absolutely gobsmacked. It’s flipped me again. I can’t think straight and thoughts are rushing again. Maybe it’s her way of coping with me telling her last night about how I went up the garden last Wednesday night again, when I broke with reality, and stuck the rope swing around my neck. Had my sons cat of not turned up this time I would of been gone. I was just about to black out when she Meowed and I came around enough to gain my senses.  It’s a,l a fuck up. I’m not thinking right yet again. She told me not to rush to go back to the doctors because I’ve come through this again and that I shouldn’t rush to up my dose of meds because I wasn’t great on a higher dose. I told her someone suggested I need to go on antipsychotics.  She doesn’t think I need to. I told her what psychosis is like but apparently she gets that every day.  I think she needs to very seriously research bipolar 1 rapid or ultra ultra rapid cycling, psychosis and psychotic breaks then she might understand a little of what I hide so well when I’m unwell.  I hide it all too well.  It’ll be the death of me.    




Fuck off

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One thought on “At the edge of the abyss”

  1. I agree that your wife needs to learn more about your condition so you can support each other.
    I think I trial of antipsychotics is definitely worth consideration given the enormity of your symptoms.

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