Anxiety has woken me up again. Its been a while but it’s come to say hello. I need some answers in life. I need to earn more money and kneed more work to come in. I feel like I’m at the edge of loosing what we have. I’ve been here before and recovered from it. I’m almost at the hilt with my business overdraft. It’s sickening. I got too complacent as someone had pencilled me in for a lot of work and I had priced it only to not hear a single thing back. As I had it pencilled in its left a hole in my diary. I couldn’t fill it with work properly and now money is an issue yet again. So now anxiety has come along to fuck with me. Some other stuff has gone on too which has taken the safety net that I did have away. All I can do is put the mask back on and try to keep going. I don’t know how I’m even going to keep our house warm this winter. I guess I have to trust that something will come along and will be of help.
I’m still seeing the psychologist every fortnight and she has told me several times that I’m in the high risk bracket for suicide. She’s also said a few times about complex PTSD too. It would seem that every time she thinks she kind of knows me I somehow throw something out that hits her or shocks her. Such is life.