Wednesday

What to write.  I’m knackered yet I’ve been able to keep a really good pace at work.   I’ve taken myself off Facebook again, probably only briefly though, and am needing some headspace.  I’m reading lots about stoicism and am trying to be less reactive and watch my thoughts more.  I downloaded a PDF of Marcus Aurelieus’s ‘meditations’ and have read a little but not got very far as I’ve been reading other things online.   I’m trying to keep watchful over my thoughts as they can, obviously, take over.  It’s not easy as one can slip back into old thought patterns quite quickly.  It will take time and I have to just accept it all.  I will keep going.    

    My head is a bit spaced out because I’m tired and I’m also aware that I have to break the circle of patterns in my life.  One of which is a 2 year cycle of going extremely high or manic.  This is the year it is due.  It’s usually from now onwards that I start to sky rocket and I’m aware of it and also aware of how well I’m doing in keeping reasonably balanced and level.  I’ve kind of been here before though and tricked myself into believing that it’s all ok and I’m good etc.  This time however I do honestly believe I can break the cycle and move forwards with life.  This feels like a test of sorts but this time I’ve been doing my homework and am more than prepared.  I’m being cautious about how much work I’m taking on but am still pricing lots.  It will keep good.  I will stay well this time and nobody will get to me for too long now.  

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