I’m sitting here taking a quick break and pondering if I miss episodes. I know it’s possible that one can come along anytime but what’s got me thinking is that I’m very very productive at the minute, I’m working really smart, I’m pushing things along, things are going really well, I’ve realised how far I’ve come and how much effort it’s teally taken to get here and I’m planning a few things ahead in the future once I’ve cleared lots of debt. So it’s made me think how I might be, or where I might be, if I were in an episode.
Initially I missed the high that I lived in most of the time once I levelled out but then being level grew on me and my normal energy levels came back but without any craziness. I don’t miss mixed states AT ALL! I don’t miss deep depression that has lasted for several months. I don’t miss the really crazy mania either.
What has amazed me is that my future plans do encompass some of what I tried to do while high, like buying land etc and moving, but it’s a future plan rather than ‘fuck it I’m selling our house, we’re buying a farm, I’m going to climb Everest, buy an Audi R8 and fuck it all!’ Now it’s a lot of careful planning, lots of goals for each day, week, month and year by year.
I know I have lots of subscribers yet I don’t know how many actually read this. For those who do I sincerely hope you get level. I want you to know it is possible. I want you to try making some goals. And I want to help. I hope that I do help. When I first blogged I figured if I could reach and help one other person it would be worth it just by sharing where I am and how I am. The last 10 years have been shocking, horrific, amazing, crazy, mind blowing and very scary but I think it’s helped me more than I yet know. I don’t want to go through it again but if I do get unwell I have lots of things in place.
I wonder how I could help others even more? Maybe just keeping going and writing is helpful. Who knows? I wish you all a good day and that you keep going because it can, with hard work, get better.