A torn time of year

It’s Christmas Day tomorrow.  I love and hate this time of year.  There’s a whole lost of why for both sides of it.   The stress that is parents place on ourselves is absolutely stupid and crazy.  The stress others put on us by telling us to do this or that ‘because it’s christmas’.  The ‘trying to do what’s right’.  The buying of presents and trying to keep to a budget but feeling shit as we’ve only spent £X pounds etc.  I love my kids and do love buying them Christmas presents but I don’t feel it has to be Christmas to tell them I love them, treat them or spend time with them.  So much tears at me.  I wish my parents were alive to see my kids grow up.  It really does deeply sadden me that they won’t know the grandparents on this side of the family.  I feel I was let down in some ways as a kid and now feel that I’m kind of letting them down as my parents are dead. It’s crazy.  It’s stress.  Hey ho. 

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