It’s been a while

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted in here and a lot has changed in the world.  We’ve been kind of locked down here in the UK but restrictions are easing.  The lockdown has shown up that it’s highly likely my daughter has bipolar too.  Her sleep has become erratic. She’s often showing signs of hypomania and anger or depression at others too.  It’s seriously affected her even if it’s just down to the restrictions.  I’ve carried on working right through as I’m working on renovating an empty annex.  I’d foreseen we would go into lockdown so was mentally prepared and physically prepared too.  I knew something was brewing from autumn last year.  It’s affected me a bit too.  I initially found myself obsessing over the virus and where it could lead us. There will no doubt be a second wave from late September/October onwards so I suggest getting extra food supplies in.  I also think the food supply chain could be affected by it and shortages of food grown could be a reality too.  One thing what has shown up from this is how our house isn’t as happy as I’d like it to be.  There’s a hell of a lot of underlying issues here.  Especially between my wife and myself.  Often things are very cold and it’s like I’m punished, and have been for years and years, so I need to reassess things in the not too distant future.  I’m 45 and not sure I can live the rest of my life sexless and lacking closeness.  I’ve tried to cope with it for 10 or so years now and it’s not getting easier.  Resentments grow. I guess with my daughter showing early signs of her mh suffering I’ll have to seriously consider my choices in life for now.  I’ll ponder lots first but I hate feeling like I’m always in the way, or unwelcome,  in my own home, the home I’m mostly paying all of the bills for at that! 

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