Life and thinking things over

I’m sat here contemplating my life. What have I actually done with it?  I feel like I’ve done nothing.  Summer is pushing towards autumn and for the first time I fear winter but not because of possible depression. No. Other reasons.  My mood has slipped a little but I know why.  I was slightly late going to sleep last night.  I had to kind of force myself to shut down or else I don’t know when I’d of slept. I felt wired but thank fuck I realised it.  Tipping points creep up but are mostly noticed now. I watched the last episode of something last night and it’s certainly played on my mind.  I’m not afraid to admit I actually welled up a bit and had tears run down my cheek. Partly it was the series  I’d been watching but also things it brought up for me.  More things I thought I’d dealt with but obviously they will crop up from time to time unexpectedly.  The reasons it hit me was the good acting but also the scenario near the end.  It reminded me a lot of my mums death quite a bit even though it was slightly different but also very similar.  Mental pain is a complete cunt that’s for sure.  I’m going to carry on preparing for what winter might well bring.

On a lighter note my veg are growing well and I think it’s going to be a bumper year for pumpkins and butternut squash.  Cabbages are doing great too plus beetroot.  Some good in my world I guess.  

Edit: I’m shocked to have just seen how many subscribers there now are to this blog. Just under 32,000! That’s fucking crazy. I know there’ll be bots on that list but fuck me that’s a lot.  Unreal. 

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