I had pretty interesting dreams last night. I dreamt that we were having a family Christmas gathering at my mother-in-laws. It was night time and I was concerned that my wife was late with our children. When she arrived she was trying to act sober. I was the only one who noticed. Everyone else ignored this and actually told me that I was wrong. I found an empty bottle of vodka in the side door of the vehicle she was driving. She was avoiding me. Her older daughters were still siding with her and I felt a total local of control. I was swamped. Nobody would listen to me at all. I was alone. I knew deep down that I was right but everyone was against me.
This is how I feel a lot of the time. Nobody hears what I’m saying. They pretend to listen and pretend to understand but don’t. I try to reach out but to no avail. I guess it’ll always be this way. Last night I certainly didn’t feel great. Physically I felt drained as well as not being fully mentally there either. I didn’t get to sleep straight away either, but I did have a snooze for 1 1/2 hours after work, so I put it down to that. I’m feeling a bit more like me this morning, although I’m aware that I did have strange dreams last night. Maybe there’s a pattern there with regards to the dreams. Hmm.
I’m ready for the day ahead and will play music at work today. I’ve not played music for the last few days now. Music is a good tool to lift my mood. My wife was concerned that creatine would send me hyper manic, I wish it would in a way because I have felt like I’ve dropped off a little since early last week. That’s before I even got the creatine.
I should try to log on here later to see how my day has been. I think I’m going to lift in my mood.
Ive just remembered another dream that I had. I was working in a loft where some guys were blowing insulation in. They were looking for rats too. I think one of them was shooting or certainly killing rats. There was piles of really smelly intestines around and they were also being dropped out of the loft on small pieces of fibreglass. Pretty unpleasant.