Being an arse

I’m pretty sure most people think I’m an arse hole. I get paranoid that people talk about me behind my back or I try to figure out what they might be saying.  I tear away at myself with false or made up conversations in my head. I imagine scenarios and arguments. I feel the pain I would feel if they remarked badly towards me. I tear myself apart badly at times, while on the outside I look normal or happy. People confuse me.

I always feel like I have to be a strong person, the one who people talk to. That has led to more suffering internally. It’s hard to show emotion or to show that I’m not altogether all of the time. I don’t think anyone understands me. My head has pain quite often, physical pain. Pressure too.

its hard to know how honest to be with people, I wear a mask most of the time. I honestly have considered the life of a hermit ora monk, living fully in solitude. Does everybody feel like I do? On the surface most people don’t seem too bad, maybe we all wear masks and maybe it’s time we all removed them and removed the blindfolds that we wear too!

Maybe the world would be a better place.

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