Saturday I think

It’s Saturday evening. I’ve had to check that as the days seem a bit fuzzy lately. I’ve not written anythibg for a few days. I’m not sure why either as I’ve probably got lots I could of written. Anyway I’m here now. Let’s begin. Where am I at. I’ve been a little unwell the last week. Physically unwell. I’ve had a huge headache too which felt like a massive internal pressure. I think it’s due in part to coming off a week long mini high, although I’m still quite jolly now. I had feared earlier I was going up. I flashed through lots of music, shared some on facebook, danced in my office and started feeling super good and super human. I am awesome, I know that much.  

Life has its ups and downs but it’s amazing how at times they can be several times in a day.  Much like four seasons in a day or hour even! I’m lucky that my wife understands the best she can and notices the changes coming on. Mostly she sees the patterns. If needed she uses our code word.

  I often feel quite lucky in that I’m in reasonable control for a good amount of the time.  I do however feel at times like I’m out of my body. Fully disassociated from it. Like an over view of a film. I’m noticibg my memory is getting worse too and my concentration levels too. I often get through a day and can’t recall what I’ve actually done. It’s hard to admit to it but it is how it is. I won’t however surrender to it. I’ll fight tooth and nail all the way.  That’s all I can do.