Last night I had angry dreams. Before waking up I had dreamt that I’d invited my dad around to sort things out. It went wrong. He started telling me what to do and started being controlling. He invaded my space, invaded my daughters space too and was exceptionally rude to my wife. I know it’s only a dream but it got to me. Anyway I grabbed a glass in the dream and took it outside to smash. It didn’t break properly, which angered me even more, so I picked it up again and threw it down harder. All the time he was still in my house. I saw a big shard of glass and was going to pick it up and cut myself, but didn’t. Then I came back inside to get the cup he was drinking from to break but didn’t. I threw him out instead. He asked me to help him load his car but I refused and just sent him on his way. I see this dream as quite significant because I nearly called in to see him yesterday to talk with him but I didnt. I avoided it. I’m not fully sure why I avoided it but I did. Possibly because of my mental state.
I’m surprised at how much this dream got to me and I guess it says lots about where my head is at. I’m almost feeling normal again. Almost. Now I’ve written that I’ve got a megadeth song going around in my head! ‘Almost honest’. I think it’s because he sings the word ‘almost’ in a drawn out way. Anyway it’s going around and around now. So back to feeling almost normal…. I’m not really sure what normal is anymore. Normal to me is when inner conflicts calm down a bit I guess and I don’t have anger as much or as much super energy. I’m really tired again at the minute but that’s ok for now. I’ll rest over the weekend and hopefully then kick back with my super strength. Even superman needs a rest sometimes. I’m in contact with people off a Facebook group a bit less at the minute as I feel like I’m recharging my batteries I am still in touch with 2 quite a bit L and N. They’re cool people and have helped me enormously. Probably more than they realise. Maybe more than they will ever know to be honest. I’m not sure I’ll ever be normal. It’s boring anyway. I’m not even sure I’m levelled off either! I’m more tired than usual but I’m back working out hard and that helps me to sleep and I’m back on my bodybuilding ‘supplements’ too which are possibly helping me to grow and rest.
Life. What is life really?