This afternoon I’m feeling very good. I had 2 black instant coffees yesterday afternoon with sugar. I don’t normally drink coffee or have sugar with it. Anyway I think it flattened my energy levels a little and my sleep was good but not as superb as usual. I got on very well at work today but had to finish early due to power cable works and a lack of power. I managed an hour or so snooze this afternoon. I’ve also noticed my livido is much lower than usual. I’d say it’s maybe at a normal persons level, if there is such a thing. Anyway I’m feeling very good and lovely. That’ll do me. 

It’s Wednesday already. Wow.  This week is going fast and I’m achieving lots too. I’m feeling very meticulous in my magic. Work is most excellent too. Today should be a wet day so I’ll go to an inside job and do some decorating. I’m amazed at how good I’m feeling. I’m not high either. Just plain old good. Im very aware of numbers again. I’m amazed at how they add up to get a single number. Take 165 for instance 1+6+5=12    1+2=3 or 16+5=21   2+1=3 or 56+1=57  5+7=12  1+2=3 and so forth. Amazing. Numerology is amazing. Time is all numbers too. I notice 11:11 lots or 12:12 and so on 18:18. 18:18 is interesting because 18+18=36  3+6=9 or  1+8+1+8=18 which is 1+8 again which equals 9. Anyway numbers are good

My higher self is once again awakened or awakening. My HGA is becoming much more clearer too. Long may things continue and I will find my own truth.  

This may sound slightly morbid, but years ago I was told I would die on my 40th birthday. Well its 2 weeks away today. Let’s see. I’m going to prove him wrong. I hope. I’ve still not made the Philosophers Stone yet so I hav

Life is so busy right now. I’m making so much progress it’s amazing. Long may it last. I had a minor blip yesterday but it soon passed. Long may that last too. Tomorrow will be the anniversary of the death of my stepdad. I will go and watch some fireworks and a bonfire. I’m never sure what we are celebrating on November the 5th. Are we celebrating the gunpowder plot being discovered or are we celebrating that they nearly did blow up parliament? Is Guy Fawkes a hero or a villain?  Hmm. I’m not sure. I know my own views. Anyway it took a good few years after Tonys death before I could face bonfire night properly again or even go to watch fireworks. I still remember the first fireworks I went to when if just started seeing my wife. We were seeing each other very quietly and had only been together since the Halloween night. Good memories. Life is about good memories and good times. 

It’s Tuesday once again, the day of Mars. I find it funny and amazing how days are still known by planets or pagan gods. Festivals are a mish mash too. Easter is decided by the spring equinox and full moon.  How amazing the world is. We still think very strangely too for such a modern so called advanced civilisation. We have invented countless new ways to kill people. Most breakthroughs in surgery and medicine come from war too. I wonder how far we could go if we decided to be peaceful and decided money didn’t matter. Money isn’t real anyway. It’s still only a tool for bartering. All false values too. Oh well.        

This morning I’m feeling pretty good. It looks like being a nice day again. I’ve lots to achieve and get done. Work is busy and my mind is behaving itself, apart from a very small blip yesterday. Life is good. 

Today I started an email to an administrator of a forum that I was removed from but allowed back into. I didn’t go back on even though I am allowed to. I thought it best to straighten myself out first. I certainly am in a very good place, and in part that’s why I deleted the email before sending it. I’m giving serious thoughts as to if I should go back on just yet or not. I could go back on to be a positive model for others and to help them if I can. I’m Conscious of the fact that it might be a trigger I guess. I’m also aware that I have an addictive side to myself. That’s why I deleted facebook. I’ve not deleted Twitter though and I manage to steal clear of that pretty much all of the time. It’s funny really because the forum is anonymous but I do like the people on there. Mostly they’re very kind souls. It’s got me pretty torn to be honest. I’m a strong believer in helping others, but also first and foremost helping myself. I guess I can always ask to be removed for a while if I get caught up in it, or is it best to steer clear….

   I’m also in a period of very deep introspection and I honestly think I’ve come a very long way. I need to keep going forwards with my works. It’s moving along very well and I don’t need distractions. The introspection is brought about by and is part of my ritual angelic workings. 

I’ve woken up this morning with back ache. I think I slept in a funny position. I know my dreams have been pretty vivid lately. Last night was no exception either. I often have vivid dreams this time of the year plus my rituals are taking me back through my life deeply. It’s almost like therapy only deeper and much more personal. Maybe I’m my own therapist. I’m retreating deeper and further into myself. I hope that I come out of the other side better for it. Hope is the wrong word really. I guess I’ve entered a period of deep introspection. All will be well afterwards.  

I’ve been thinking about going back onto a forum I was on but so far I’ve steered clear. I did tweet about 3 tweets last night so will now once again avoid Twitter too. Introspection is the order of the day for me.  

I often wonder about reality. About my own reality and about how others perceive reality. I guess I’ll only ever know my own.  It’s funny how I think reality is or how it’s made into being. We externalise everything but everything for each individual one of us is solely internal. What we touch, taste, feel, hear and smell are all processed internally. All of our senses are ‘in our heads’.  Our reality is in our heads too. Maybe there really is no external. No outside. It’s said that our lives are a form of suffering. Maybe it’s down to our own reality and how we punish ourselves. Maybe we can and should bless ourselves and our lives. Life is a gift. I’m not sure where from but a gift nonetheless. Thinking differently about things or having a different view of reality is also a gift. I guess it can be seen as a curse by some too.  If we look at it from a perspective of Western thinking then it’s seen as illness but from other perspectives it’s seen as a blessing. Shaman are different. Their thinking or their reality could be taken as wrong or from mental health issues. Maybe it’s time we looked at things from a different perspective instead of saying it’s an illness. Maybe there’s something deeper down that’s a cause or even a cure, not that I personaly feel I need to be ‘cured’ of anything.  Lots to ponder on. As always. Such is life.  

Autumn is here and it is beautiful. The colours are so vibrant this year and it’s still very mild. I’m feeling great and alive and all is well. I’m continuing with my rituals and all is good. Life is good. I love life. 

All is well. The world is real and unreal. How do we know that anything is real or true? In fact how do we define reality? What makes one thing more real than another? One may say that if you can touch it then it’s real, but if all of the ‘nothing’ is taken out of a ‘something’ then there’s barely anything left or maybe nothing to see. So what is real?  Are thoughts real? What about if we think something and it turns out to be wrong or even paranoia? Does that make it not real, a fallacy? Is that thought unreal?  What about if we have a thought and it become a ‘physical reality’ ? Is it real because of the physicality of its manifestation? At what point does it become ‘real’.