I can’t think that I have much to say. I have noticed I’m more tired than usual but that could be because of working out again. My mind has been a little grumpier than usual too but I think that’s because I’m aware of the aniversary of my mums death which is soon. Maybe I’m too aware of it? I’m not sure. Can you be too aware of dates that have affected your life? Maybe deep down I don’t think its real or that she’s really dead either. Maybe we never really die. Maybe we never really love either. Maybe this is all some cosmic mind play and we are just figments of a higher conciousness. Who knows. I certainly don’t know too much right now. Or do I? Maybe I do know. Maybe it’s all becoming clear and present in my mind and I can see the higher consciousness within. Or maybe I cant.
I think I’ve been struggling the last few days, maybe longer. At least I’m aware of it all. I feel like some of my motivation is slipping away. I thought I’d gotten past these kinds of feeling though. Maybe being aware of them has helped me to keep them under control. I sometimes wonder if it’s the opposite though. If being aware of them makes them more real. I don’t know. Maybe I’m on facebook too much and being influenced too much again. I think I’d better get off there.
