Ok so today started a little better but is still shit so far. I’m really unmotivated at work. I’ve had an hours sleep on the sofa here as I did yesterday. I’m lethargic. That’s unusual for me. Usually I have energy. Even when depressed I’m usually ok ish. Although I’ve had days where I’ve stayed at home in bed, even when high. Well winter can fuck off now. I’ve seen enough of it. I want to move to southern Spain or somewhere warm. I don’t want to feel cold anymore because right now I’m freezing. I’m working indoors with the heating on, 2 jumpers and a hat too. Winter really can fuck right off.
Ok so here’s another thought I’ve been having. I’ve been thinking about death. One day I will die. What will it be like? I mean really what is death? What does dying feel like? Is there something after this life? Or is it boom lights out and everything else just carries on. I’m 40 now so I’m getting older. Death is chasing me already. In fact I’ve escaped it a few times in my life already. Maybe soon it’ll catch me up and take me for a ride or journey. I’ve figure father at the minute my life isn’t my own. Something else has a little control over it. Maybe it’s the kick back from the 3 months of ritual leading up to Christmas Time. I had the knowledge and conversation so maybe now I have to cross the abyss yet again. To enter the void beyond. Hmmmm
