Less than 7 hours sleep. Chest is tight and has a little pain. Anxiety is back yet again. Nice. Oh how I’ve not missed being anxious. I’m so tired and so anxious this morning. My dreams were all over the place. My head was tying itself up in knots too. I’ve realised that I’m all over e place and my zest for work has gone out of the window completely, yet I know I need to earn money. I really can’t be bothered. I really can’t. I don’t want to get us into debt again by not earning money either. I’m so tired of chasing money only for it to slip through my fingers like trying to hold onto handfuls of water all day. I can’t do it. I’ve been wearing my mask again and it’s catching up with me. I think I’m loosing, or have lost, my grip on reality. I’ve been very productive and wish I could hold onto it forever but I know I can’t. It’s slipping away. It’s going under. It’s like drowning slowly in ones own emotions and ones own thoughts. Self drowning. The self drowning. Sinking lower. Oh fuck.
I need to get to get a grip. I really do. There’s so much going on and I need help. I honestly think I need help. Help.
